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Okay, just made my profile. One of you asked what my degree will be in. Right now I'm working on a B.S. in Animal Science and will be trying to get my DVM after that. Also, my brother is a male model and has done a lot of work, but tried college for 1 year. All of you who think this is fake, it WAS exaggerated but what he truthfully said was insinuating that my brother is successful and I am a waste of air until I get my degree. My dad isn't an asshole, but my brother does seem to be his golden child. Honestly, I am not bothered by the comment my dad made, I just found it to be funny when he said it. It is true that male models and Chippendales dancers can make a TON of money, but my brother is not at that level exactly. He is doing a stage production of Chippendales (www.herecometheboys.com). I'm very proud of him, and as for the ladies wanting his number, I'm sorry, he's married. Thanks for the remorse, the empathy, and the doubt. This site is fun, right?!

By N…… - 27/11/2012 03:13 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's. His father was with him the whole entire time. He's 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 298

You deserved it 2 355

Regressive

By Anonymous - 19/11/2012 05:19 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, at the age of 29, I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I lost our home, and are now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got dropped off at home, before 10, after having sex in a hay field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 156

You deserved it 5 076

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 588

You deserved it 3 453

Obsessed

By farmvillefail - 09/01/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with Farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending texts, emails, or calling, but by placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 948

You deserved it 4 382

How romantic

By fishtacos - 01/12/2014 03:32 - United States - Fontana

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 203

You deserved it 6 773

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 106

You deserved it 5 908

Misconstrued

By DeeGirlMon - 03/08/2012 05:24 - Canada - Calgary

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 672

You deserved it 6 066

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 567

You deserved it 51 581

By failureatlife - 27/04/2014 19:16 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 369

You deserved it 6 195

You have the same voice!

By EternalBlossom - 14/07/2015 05:03 - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 543

You deserved it 24 120

By severedface - 22/05/2011 05:35 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 389

You deserved it 5 382

By embarassinggg - 06/02/2013 18:57 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to, "Stop sticking your butt out!" My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 577

You deserved it 2 483

By Jae_Hellyun - 08/01/2014 04:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 070

You deserved it 4 349

Hush

By sXeQueen - 13/03/2010 15:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was having a really bad day, so I decided to call him and try to calm him down. At one point, I thought it would be sweet to sing him a song since he claimed to love my voice. Before I could get half way through, he told me to shut up because I was getting on his nerves and just making things worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 304

You deserved it 31 082

The gush

By mwja - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 819

You deserved it 4 011

Ewwwwwww

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 388

You deserved it 4 974

By Enslaved - 20/02/2015 03:16 - United States - Homestead

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 319

You deserved it 2 710

Enslaved tells us more.

Enslaved 36

Friday 20 February 2015 14:29

OP here! First off, when I called the number, a man answered. When I told him I found a phone,(an iPhone5c for those that are curious) he told me to "**** off" and that I had the wrong number, then hung up on me. He called the phone back a few minutes later and I could hear him yelling to what I assumed was his wife/GF in the background. He was asking her if she went out shopping? and how dare she spend his money, plus lose her phone! I did give the phone to the manager of the department store and told the man to pick it up there tomorrow if he wants it, since the store was already closed for the night. My heart is just uneasy because I know that my call caused what seems to be an argument between the lady that owns the phone and an irate man. I could tell he was very controlling and she was very afraid of him.