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Disinformation

By zzyx - 22/09/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 698

You deserved it 16 947

By wtf did I do - 02/03/2012 21:15 - United States

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 362

You deserved it 4 487

Toxic

By makeupsex - 14/02/2012 11:25 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he put me through so much heartache last year was because the make-up sex was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 318

You deserved it 5 261

By ohgodwhy - 10/02/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 059

You deserved it 5 141

TW: Gross

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 00:09 - Denmark

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 453

You deserved it 2 839

Sketchy

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Austria

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend, who I dated for 6 years, is getting engaged to my friend. The very same "friend" who's been encouraging me to break up with her for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 616

You deserved it 3 202

By me:( - 16/07/2013 23:44 - United States - Romulus

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 661

You deserved it 5 152

By Brian B - 13/09/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 982

You deserved it 25 471

Front line workers

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 03:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 941

You deserved it 1 763

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 749

You deserved it 1 756

Logic

By thyisnothorses - 29/04/2012 03:55 - United States - Scituate

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 262

You deserved it 3 106

Oh hi!

By showerstupid - 04/04/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 690

You deserved it 44 876

By Anonymous - 24/08/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, I walked out of the operating room at the end of an emergency case. I spent ten minutes talking to a woman about her son before we realized I was talking to the wrong family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 261

You deserved it 28 752

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 22:21 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 601

You deserved it 3 116

Spammed out

By goddamnit - 14/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I got a letter saying I was no longer a student at my college and my current work is void since I had ignored and refused to pay my tuition bill. Over the past month I've been deleting these pesky emails saying 'FINAL WARNING regarding payment' thinking it was more spam. They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 285

You deserved it 140 546

By Anonymous - 06/02/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 559

You deserved it 2 425

By shaving kit - 31/12/2012 10:17

Today, my workplace was having a raffle and was giving away a Venus shaving kit. A co-worker won, but instead of keeping it, she walked over and handed the basket to me in front of everyone, said "You need it more" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 022

You deserved it 6 542

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 13:57 - Norway

Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 227

You deserved it 2 361

Wurdz is hard

By Holy Testacles - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression, "Knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as, "Kill yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 194

You deserved it 7 972

By Mixta - 03/01/2015 04:45 - France - Roubaix

Today, my best friend showed me his New Year's Eve photos. Girls everywhere, booze flowing all over the place and all my friends were there. They still haven't realised that they didn't invite me. We've been friends for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 57

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 691

You deserved it 45 436

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 16:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 403

You deserved it 1 831

By quietsleeper - 13/10/2009 11:07 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 533

You deserved it 2 977

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 19:58

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 488

You deserved it 4 891

By SOMAgirl - 06/07/2010 09:16 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to put some streamers on my bike handles, even though I knew they would probably be stolen fairly quickly. I went into a restaurant to eat, and when I came out both my wheels were gone, but at least the streamers were still there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 272

You deserved it 9 104

Kinda sus behavior

By dumped and dusted - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 152

You deserved it 2 112

By housedoctor - 22/02/2014 11:01 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 870

You deserved it 6 927

By fuck you right back, cockspit - 14/02/2014 21:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 689

You deserved it 8 328

Take a ticket

By ugh - 24/05/2015 19:53 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 179

You deserved it 5 138

By great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 005

You deserved it 3 569

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The Top

Today, I walked into work, after having given my boss a weather prediction last week, so he could decide on which day to open a new company division. I was immediately taken aside and written up for "providing false information, adversely impacting morale". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 057

You deserved it 2 287

Today, I was sitting in the bus station when an old woman looked over at me, then said to her friend, "Young women are so pretty these days." Her friend looked up at me and said, "That's because makeup is so cheap these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 191

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 427

You deserved it 9 226

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 532

You deserved it 18 723

Today, a council worker showed up on my doorstep for the final pool installation inspection, which was scheduled 10 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 771

You deserved it 2 451

Today, my wife has been angry since she walked in on me masturbating. In our hotel room. In NYC. That I booked for our anniversary. That she doesn’t want to leave. Or have sex in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 311