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By FirmlyInEngland - 17/09/2009 09:23 - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 249

You deserved it 5 566

By jajaja - 01/03/2009 19:45 - Canada

Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 838

You deserved it 4 678

Sure, it's always the woman's fault

By Anonymous - 09/03/2015 22:59 - United States - Framingham

Today, I got to listen to my boss lecture me about professional dress and subtly insinuate that my being on the heavier side top-wise with all the men in the office could be a problem. I've worn turtle necks for the whole two months I've been working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 840

You deserved it 2 453

Hot mess

By Tasji - 27/07/2009 06:24 - Canada

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town, thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 852

You deserved it 81 144

By Chloe - 20/12/2010 18:08 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 990

You deserved it 65 818

Let it out

By MrTandy - 16/09/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 701

You deserved it 3 715

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 222

You deserved it 3 912

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 13:37 - United States - Palmer

Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 747

You deserved it 2 658

Play stupid games…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Chelan

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 243

You deserved it 5 462

By Anonymous - 29/08/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 486

You deserved it 4 375

Victim blaming

By Anonymous - 28/08/2014 21:16 - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said, "Nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 147

You deserved it 3 485

By AnnoyedWoman - 17/08/2014 10:19 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 475

You deserved it 5 610

Thanks for the memories

By thankspal - 24/06/2012 10:57 - United States

Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 601

You deserved it 5 439

By a single fuck - 23/05/2013 16:40 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 115

You deserved it 3 108

The pits

By speedstick - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received an anonymous letter telling me that I smell bad, and suggesting that I wear more deodorant. Apparently my BO is so bad that someone feels the need to stalk me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 150

You deserved it 34 924

By darkman28 - 07/04/2009 05:21 - United States

Today, I was looking at the page of a girl I've had this big crush on for a long time. After getting a date with her and taking her horse back riding and having a picture taken of the two of us I find that she paint shopped me out of the picture before posting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 497

You deserved it 4 564

By Seanzy - 30/03/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on forever asked me why the pin on my Letterman jacket had two guys doing it. I told her it was for participating in a wrestling tournament. And she responded, "Oh I thought you were finally coming out of the closet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 000

You deserved it 6 869

By sucked_in - 23/07/2015 02:32 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 753

You deserved it 38 004

Brain fart

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 14:58 - United States - Springfield

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 385

You deserved it 72 355

By Headless - 29/05/2015 13:04 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 718

You deserved it 9 020

By Anonymous - 10/01/2014 16:12 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 336

You deserved it 5 697

By Sam - 03/02/2012 04:00 - Canada

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 566

You deserved it 2 672

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 06:37 - United States

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 754

You deserved it 4 871

By immaloser95 - 06/01/2015 21:06 - United States - Portage

Today, I was working out on a horse farm. I slipped and fell on some ice, whacking my head on the metal gate in the process. As I was getting up, I accidentally grabbed the electric fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 3 918

immaloser95 tells us more.

immaloser95 28

Thursday 8 January 2015 5:16

OP here, and loving these awesome puns. I'm glad some of you get to laugh at my pain! :) Let me explain my story. I've been working on horse farms my entire life. For those of you who don't know, an electric fence is for keeping the horses from knocking down the fences and escaping (not fun). They're very hard to see, as they run right the along the top edge of the fence, and especially hard to notice if you aren't looking for them. I've been shocked loads of times out of carelessness, but this time, it wasn't entirely my fault. Here in Michigan, weather is about as bipolar as is gets. It was raining the morning prior to my fall, and it was snowing at the time, covering the ice. And no, I was not running. It is possible to slip on ice while walking. I really wish there was a camera there. I feel like I may have just looked like a cartoon. It did hurt, but my boss and co-stable hand were laughing their asses off, and eventually so was I. I don't think they'll let this one go for a long time! Oh, and as for the person who said I worked around exotic plants....wtf?

Welcome to the family!

By Sprtsgeek13 - 13/09/2012 12:37 - United States - Camden

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 460

You deserved it 2 541

By SadPuppy - 22/05/2013 07:14 - United States

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 848

You deserved it 3 554

Thanks!

By womboman - 30/07/2011 20:02 - United States

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 807

You deserved it 3 233

By anonymous - 05/04/2012 21:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 670

You deserved it 28 915

By coolcat10156 - 08/07/2015 07:04 - United States - Keller

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 091

You deserved it 4 632

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 738

You deserved it 5 247

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The Top

The Top

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 660

You deserved it 3 027

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 791

You deserved it 72 275

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 780

You deserved it 4 696

Today, I went into work to finish one last task, but decided to also have a fire in the pit. I grabbed the wrong can of fuel and ended up taking a fireball to the face, singed the hair on my head, arms, and I have to shave my beard off… Well, what’s left of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 038

Today, I was sitting on the couch when my cat decided that the top of my head was the perfect height to use as a springboard to get up to the cat climbing tree. She had her claws out for traction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 851

You deserved it 887

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 65