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By cowgirl - 06/11/2012 05:42 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 477

You deserved it 3 699

By BasketGhost - 02/10/2013 06:36 - United States - Bronx

Today, my mom and I got the answer to the question, "Is our dog really dumb enough to jump out of the window of a moving vehicle?" The answer: Yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 056

You deserved it 6 476

BasketGhost tells us more.

BasketGhost 17

Wednesday 2 October 2013 21:20

Hey! Just to start, my dog is absolutely fine. So, we think she may have stepped on the button to lower the window without us realizing before it was too late. No worries, though we were driving fairly slowly after just pulling out of the school parking lot. For anyone wondering the breed, she is a beagle!

By Limalia - 24/01/2011 21:00 - Switzerland

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 361

You deserved it 10 659

By working_as_usual - 08/10/2012 00:09 - United States - Valencia

Today, I was telling my co-workers about how I'd gotten tickets to a concert in a few days. My boss overheard. Later, he told me I now have to work on the night of the concert. However, he was kind enough to offer to buy the tickets off me for half of what I'd paid for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 623

You deserved it 2 611

By Anonymous - 06/09/2013 20:36

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 216

You deserved it 3 460

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 14:28 - United States

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 275

You deserved it 11 332

Another fine mess

By Moron - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 239

You deserved it 6 713

By -1 friend - 17/05/2013 21:16 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 349

You deserved it 14 679

Paws for thought

By James - 16/01/2012 04:17 - Australia

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying, "I want my cat back." I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 531

You deserved it 2 300

By Anonymous - 02/01/2009 18:06 - France

Today, I have dark hairs growing on my chest, nipples and stomach... I'm a 19 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 448

You deserved it 3 521

By brokeandsad - 03/01/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 601

You deserved it 9 626

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 12:27 - France

Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. Just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 327

You deserved it 7 286

By Amanda - 19/11/2010 05:14

Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 356

You deserved it 3 847

By anonomys - 05/09/2011 19:19 - Canada

Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 10 133

By goatvideosarelame - 24/05/2011 07:31 - Singapore

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 447

You deserved it 3 488

Backfire

By Darryl - 12/05/2015 12:53 - Australia - Tarragindi

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 482

You deserved it 4 971

By Cian_1 - 25/11/2013 11:22 - United Kingdom - Cholsey

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 29 490

Cian_1 tells us more.

Cian_1 28

Tuesday 26 November 2013 8:08

What else am I to call something that keeps saluting me? ;D

By SupposedlyAverage - 27/12/2014 14:55 - United States

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 325

You deserved it 4 276

By WhoopteeDooDoo - 12/10/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, I pulled into the gas station to fill up only to realize I had forgot my wallet. By the time I went home, got it, and came back, the price had gone up eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 319

You deserved it 4 978

Stylish

By boo - 27/05/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview, I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 872

You deserved it 7 430

By ElamentalAngel - 06/05/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 344

You deserved it 83 918

Clever boy

By NewlyChildaphobic - 17/11/2009 14:50 - Ireland

Today, I was minding a 6-year old boy. He begged me to take him somewhere. I rang his mum, and she said I could. He picked to go to McDonald's. He ordered chicken. After his meal, he told me he was vegetarian, and wanted to try some meat while his mum wasn't around. I got the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 231

You deserved it 4 399

By Terminator101101 - 30/05/2013 23:06 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to go to the Apple store and log me on to Facebook on every single computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 919

You deserved it 9 163

By baldygirl - 02/11/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 024

You deserved it 3 533

By Biologyfacepalm - 03/03/2014 19:58 - United States

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 724

You deserved it 4 930

By CrazzY88s - 06/06/2010 16:00 - Ireland

Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 992

You deserved it 34 186

By husks - 12/04/2011 04:08

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 132

You deserved it 12 444

By Amathiel - 29/12/2012 15:23 - Norway - Flor?

Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 181

You deserved it 3 190

Amathiel tells us more.

Amathiel 17

Saturday 29 December 2012 21:59

Additional info from OP here: Yes, I have a BF who has commented on it, but with humor. He's nicknamed them Bert and Ernie because of the size difference now. Yes, I know it's a common thing, but it still isn't cool to walk around with half a boob on one side ;)

By johnnydoe6969 - 20/11/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 769

You deserved it 46 213