The Top

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Cocobananas

By Anonymous - 11/12/2024 21:00

Today, my old boss is such an arsehole that not only did he fire me last week, he completely forgot about firing me and when he saw me in the shop as a customer, he yelled at me for being late and out of uniform. I swear his mother didn’t birth him, she shat him out the other hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 99

Body issues

By Anonymous - 17/05/2022 00:01

Today, I tried to encourage my spouse to come with me and work out a bit, figuring it would help us both get be healthier and be something to do together. I got told she had no desire to get healthy or look attractive, and that I should find a "Fuck buddy" instead. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 284

You deserved it 194

Get it where you can

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 374

Capitalism, baby!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 16:58 - United States

Today, it's day three of my dad not shutting up and still complaining about the Super Bowl commercials being "too woke". FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 236

House of pain

By Anonymous - 24/07/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, I dropped my phone in the bathtub and had to spend the whole night trying to make the speakers work again. On top of that, while I was cleaning the bedding I discovered that my bed had grown a black mold farm and I have been sleeping on it for God knows how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 850

Shitty situation

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 03:00 - United States - Big Lake

Today, I either have to shit my brains out on the hour every hour like clockwork, or stop taking my medicine and go back to suffering debilitating PTSD. Regardless, I’m spending half of my day locked in a small space and unable to live freely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 122

You must be kidding me

By SingleAndHomeless - 22/05/2022 18:00

Today, I came home early from work. My boyfriend and I live together. I open the door and I found my best friend watching TV on the couch, wearing lingerie. The room smelled like sex. She acted irrational and defensive, and had the audacity to ask what I was doing here. Bitch, I live here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 150

I'm a lover, not a fighter

By Anonymous - 04/01/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught a man screwing my girlfriend in my house so I lost my temper and hit him right in the jaw. He wasn’t hurt, not even a bruise. I meanwhile have a broken finger and a sprained wrist because, as he put it, “You really don’t know how to throw a punch, like… at all.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 258

Kick him out

By Hot hot hot - 04/08/2023 22:00

Today, my two children and I are spending the night in our SUV until God knows when, all because we walked in on a young lady bouncing up and down on their father on our bed. Did I mention our SUV’s A/C doesn’t work? It’s 90 degrees outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 165

Bad boy!

By Carrie - 23/02/2021 21:30

Today, I was enjoying my dinner by my patio window when I spotted a cat roaming through my backyard. As I observed it explore my yard, I also watched as it climbed onto, then took a piss on the freshly clean clothes I had left to dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 146

By keimA - 23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 403

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 19:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, it seems that I've gained so much weight that not even my iPhone can recognize my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 389

You must conform!

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Eagle Mountain

Today, and for the past year, my sisters have been guilt-tripping me for not giving their kids some cousins to hang out with. I hate kids and I don’t feel bad, but it’s starting to get annoying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 111

Helping hand

By Betriz - 14/08/2023 06:00

Today, I walked in on my live-in sister masturbating my husband. He currently has injuries on both arms and they’re both in a cast. She told me he was “horny” and needed to “take some pressure off” so she wanted to “help” because she "was home at the time.” They both seriously see nothing wrong with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 159

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/01/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss, a true knobhead, bought the house next door to mine. Now not only does he ruin my life at work, I might have to see him and talk to him when I’m not at work as well. He once sent me home from work because he said my red tie clashed with my suit and made me look unprofessional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 83

Jed Bartlet?

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I've come to the conclusion that the best way to remember when my wife of 17 years and I last got intimate was to remember which American president was in power at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 200

Silver linings

By KANCHI - 02/06/2022 17:30 - India - Gurgaon

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the middle of great sex when he suddenly called out his ex's name. Just before I decided to yell at him and throw him out of my room, I realised he performed better when he yelled her name. So, I let him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 744

Bigmouth strikes again and again

By O Boy - 28/04/2022 00:00 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, my coworker left a tiny mess in the break room. I cleaned it up and jokingly said, "Your mother isn't here to clean up after you." She started crying. I forgot her mom died last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 1 301

Needy smol bean baby

By He's special - 29/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, my cat keeps walking into my room and screaming at me to pay attention to him. When I try to do so, he moves away. Then he yells at me from a distance. I don't wanna play this game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 186

Hypocrisy

By Anonymous - 02/05/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, my roommate raged at me for "lying" about being a vegetarian, because she saw chicken stored in my side of the fridge. That chicken isn't for me, it's an ingredient in the homemade food I make for my dogs. Apparently, serving my dogs real meat instead of forcing them into vegetarianism makes me a hypocrite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 217

None of my business

By Anonymous - 31/01/2025 19:00

Today, we witnessed a car hit a cyclist. My husband didn’t stop walking, even when I told him we should help. He said, “Why? Do we know him?” He then refused to help because getting involved and doing something wrong would risk us being sued instead of the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 172

Self sabotage

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 00:02 - Germany

Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 180

By Sarah - 18/07/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 200

My loneliness is killing me

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 18:00

Today, I realized the most consistent friends I have are on weekly Disney+ Marvel and Star Wars shows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 269

Mixed signals

By marie - 28/08/2023 16:00

Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 119

There's still hope, then?

By Anonymous - 08/02/2025 20:00 - Nigeria

Today, I think I've finally lost my girl. I think she stopped liking me a while ago, but I didn't ask because I was afraid of the answer. We haven't texted in almost two days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 440

Same!

By o…… - 31/08/2023 20:00

Today, at the age of 27, I still can’t so much as look at a marker without getting marker on my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 197

Our heart goes out to you

By BloodyButUnbowed - 11/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, I'm scheduling a cab to take me to my cancer surgery on Tuesday. I need a cab because there is literally no one to go with me, or to help me afterwards. I am truly alone in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 108

Never go back

By Anonymous - 16/02/2025 07:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I'm contemplating messaging my ex. It's been 5 months since I quietly moved on after he started ignoring me, or telling me that he was actually planning a date by asking me if a shirt looked good on him. It did look good on him and he's probably moved on too, while I've spent the last 5 months thinking about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 480

Home entertainment

By Reb - 10/06/2022 10:00

Today, my cat got out. I was chasing him in the field behind my backyard, barefoot while wearing PJs, yelling my head off like a raving lunatic. The field soil was sludge, and my feet sunk right in with every step. After I got him, I heard a snap of a soda can. My neighbours were there the whole time, watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 314

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The Top

Today, it’s my honeymoon. I waited patiently for a year and a half to have sex since I respected her “No sex before marriage” rule. However, my new wife has a new rule: “Sex is for procreation and I’m not ready to have children yet.” How much longer should I wait to make love to the one I love now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 502

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 477

You deserved it 31 306

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 088

You deserved it 3 757

Today, I cleaned the two staircases at the hotel where I work. Five minutes later, someone complained they were dirty. Someone had dropped soda and got mud all over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 68

Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "The gecko ate my pen drive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 678

You deserved it 4 905

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 684

You deserved it 3 569