The Top

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Eye-bleach please

By Anonymous - 27/04/2020 14:00

Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 315

The Hulk

By anonymous - 03/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my $1000 anger management course had no effect on me when I smashed a picture frame. Why? I had run out of toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 1 784

Bitch move

By Ineedtoshutup - 19/08/2021 16:01

Today, I went to the movies with this guy I'd started dating. During the movie, I thought it would be cool and funny to make sarcastic comments. When he dropped me off home, he told me that it was the worst date ever and to not talk to him again for being "annoying and obnoxious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 2 353

Jacked

By Anonymous - 21/03/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife asked when I was going back to the gym because I am developing a belly, which she finds disgusting. I've just had surgery on my thigh, which was her fault for asking, “What’s this thing do?” while grabbing the handle to the jack holding up my car, dropping the car on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 105

It's not working

By naas1201 - 10/05/2020 23:00

Today, and ever since the beginning of our couples' therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 271

By going to the dentist - 31/07/2018 16:05 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, I unconsciously clenched my jaw together when I woke up from a nightmare. A part of my tooth broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 205

Cheeky little bastards

By weeping_willow - 01/06/2020 08:00

Today, the kids that live down the street had a yard sale in my yard while I wasn’t home. They sold a bunch of my daughter's toys, which I now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 195

Long story short

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 20:08

Today, after I'd been on and off with this girl for 6 years, I finally proposed in October 2018 and she'd said yes. A year later we got a house. By March, she is seeing another girl. And now, we still live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 460

By mastermind - 22/08/2018 23:30

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 335

You deserved it 749

The real housewives of FML

By NotInMyClick - 02/05/2024 00:00 - United States - Glide

Today, a girl I despise from our group of best girlfriends, who just moved in with another, has showed her true colors. I smelled her bipolar disorder in our group interactions and took a step back, but was afraid to say something to the two other girls like, hey, she's unstable. Now she thinks she's in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 632

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 19/07/2020 23:00

Today, I found out my sister-in-law cheated on her husband. I also found out my uncle cheated on my aunt with my sister-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 131

Banished

By NicoleNoone - 01/08/2020 05:01

Today, my older sister told me about their table plan at their wedding. She is one of my best friends too, so I was shocked that I had been placed far away, and separated from my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 159

Heavy load

By Anon - 18/12/2019 14:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boyfriend told me that when I orgasm, I sound like I'm choking. Only I'm not choking, I'm just getting the wind knocked out of me by his weight when he is on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 293

You deserved it 398

By Anonymous - 22/09/2018 13:30

Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 608

You deserved it 437

Like what you see?

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 08:08

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 1 657

Never engage with psychos

By Foxy17 - 16/08/2020 20:01

Today, in a convenience store, I asked a girl who wasn't wearing her mask and not keeping her distance to step away. After telling me to fuck off, she put her mask on, went to the teenage manager and said I was harassing her. Even after hearing my side of the story, I was asked to leave. Turns out it was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 395

Grind mindset

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to snatch my son's phone to hang up his “super important work phone call” and force him to pay attention to the nurse trying to hand him his newborn son, while his wife was passed out. He's so career obsessed, I don’t think he noticed his son being born at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 235

No imagination

By why? - 17/08/2020 14:02

Today, I found out from my first cousin whose teenage daughter is pregnant that she has chosen to name her child after mine. I would be okay with this, if it weren’t the same first name, and if they weren’t just a couple of years apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 236

Denial

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 23:00

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 252

By NotTodaySatan - 07/07/2019 16:00 - United States - Tempe

Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 335

Tracked

By bitch - 27/08/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I noticed that on the calendar in my boyfriend’s apartment, for every week of the months when I have my period are coloured in red and over them, in block capitals, he has written 'BEWARE'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 773

Stay safe

By notaslut - 08/01/2020 22:00 - United States - Greeley

Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 777

You deserved it 644

On my way!

By ButNotBed - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 6am. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 1 029

Sex addict

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 20:01 - United States - Trenton

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the father of my kids, had been practically begging women to sleep with him throughout the duration of both pregnancies, and has also spent hundreds of dollars on OnlyFans every month. He promised to permanently delete OnlyFans three times and still hasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 605

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 96

By @Maricela__21 - 16/10/2018 20:26

Today, I had a microbiology exam and my professor gave us a bonus question asking "What’s my favorite baseball team?" At least I know I have 10pts on my exam. #FML #GoAstros

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 598

Sussy baka

By Singleagain - 09/01/2022 01:59

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about allegedly texting another girl behind my back and exchanging nudes. I asked him, “If I were to look through your phone right now, would we still be together in the next 5 minutes?” He responded by smashing his phone to the ground and stomping it to smithereens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 493

You deserved it 263

Beat it

By frank - 13/01/2022 08:01

Today, while out with my girlfriend, her stalker ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and beat the shit out of me. While I was on the ground, my girlfriend got angry at him, and went to go “talk with him in private.” She’s nowhere to be found, and hasn’t picked up her phone in four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 127

No respect

By That's capitalism, baby - 10/05/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I was excited to finally take a day off work and relax at home. However, as soon as I was on the couch to Netflix and chill with my cat, I got a call from my boss saying I was needed at the office to fix a major issue. I ended up spending the entire day at work and didn't get to enjoy my "day off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 186

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 07/10/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I asked my uber-religious parents what they would do if, hypothetically, they found out one of their closest friends was an atheist. The immediate response: "Forcibly try to convert them, and completely cut all ties if they don't accept." Guess I'll remain a closeted atheist for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 140

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The Top

Today, it's my birthday. I found out I have Covid. Also, the police kicked me out of the hotel I'm quarantining in. This is still not my worst birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 135

Today, in order to save money, instead of going to the car wash, I decided to wash my car at home. While sponging the roof, I slipped on the soapy driveway and ended up sliding under the car, getting soaked and covered in suds. My neighbor saw the whole thing and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 157

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 863

You deserved it 2 347

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 833

You deserved it 7 254

Today, my 16 year-old son has to sue his great uncle and step aunt for theft and extortion of his father's estate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 97

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter, followed by embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 349

You deserved it 35 168