The Top

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By unluckybirthdaykid - 11/09/2017 23:15

Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 526

You deserved it 429

Ankle monitor

By Anonymous - 17/04/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, despite my warnings and knowing I hate them, my wife got a trashy tattoo of an eye on her ankle, like she’s Count Olaf. How is she going to get a job with that thing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 740

Sweets dreams are made of these

By jj. - 06/06/2021 00:01

Today, I had yet another dream in which my mother and I had a sweet conversation, followed by her hugging me, and telling me she loves me. Then I woke up and remembered that my once-loving mother hasn’t spoken to me in five years, and her last words to me were, "I hope you die in a fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 06/01/2018 19:00

Today, after having been off due to the holidays, I awoke to several missed calls and texts from my supervisor asking where I was. Fearing losing my job, I drove the entire 2-hour commute thinking I’d missed a day. I hadn't; he was just trying to get my weekly reports early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 917

You deserved it 1 377

Thanks, Dave

By Anonymous - 23/11/2019 14:00

Today, I opened the door to a delivery girl with a towel around my waist as I was just out of the shower. My dog was going crazy at the courier, and when she handed me the touchpad to sign for the package, my dog decided it would be a good idea to pull my towel off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 291

You deserved it 1 178

New deal

By Anonymous - 05/01/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "No", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "Deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 710

You deserved it 290

By brick - 14/05/2018 10:00 - United States - Geneva

Today, I went to sleep at 7am. I learned once that Indians used to drink tons of water before bed to force themselves awake so I did that in case my alarm (which I hooked up to my speakers) didn't work. The alarm worked, but the shock of the blasting sound made me pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 142

You deserved it 3 182

Where'd you go?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 02:01

Today, I'm being ghosted by someone who said they wanted to meet up, but never texted me. She could've just said she wasn't interested, but instead we made plans. She kept writing back, saying how excited she was to meet me, and then I never heard from her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 93

Damn algorithm

By a survivor - 31/03/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, no matter what I do, Facebook won't stop showing me pitbulls on my feed. I've been nearly killed by one a dozen times in completely unprovoked attacks, even ones owned by perfectly good people, so it triggers a panic response whenever I see one. Take your ugly murder beasts somewhere else, for fuck's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 478

By takeshi - 05/08/2018 20:30

Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 322

You deserved it 310

By I can't stand leg puns - 08/08/2018 02:30 - United Kingdom - Feltham

Today, I was called back about my job interview. I was told that due to my restricted mobility from my prosthetic leg, they don't think I'll be able to do the job. It's a desk job on the ground floor of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 125

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 06:00

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 041

You deserved it 533

Anger management

By Emily - 07/12/2022 18:00

Today, I was mad at my boyfriend, so I yanked the power cord for his computer while he was gaming. Turns out, that fried part of his computer and now it won't turn on. He broke up with me, even after I apologized, and offered to replace the part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 2 526

By Anonymous - 01/09/2018 03:30

Today, at work, I received flowers from a Tinder fling gone wrong. He constantly flipped out on me and then would apologize. I finally got tired of it and blocked him on all social media. The scary part is that I never told him where I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 970

You deserved it 248

Digging my heels in

By jj. - 03/01/2023 21:00

Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 1 635

Slobber

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 298

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 998

Jumping the gun

By Jenna - 12/10/2020 02:02

Today, my boyfriend of one week kissed my stomach and began speaking to our "baby." We haven't had sex yet. In fact, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 16:00

Today, I was rear-ended while heading to my appointment with my physiotherapist. This is the physiotherapist I am seeing to treat the pinched disc I got from being rear-ended 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 403

You deserved it 437

Secret sex

By anonymous - 01/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 463

Drama Queen

By sam - 11/11/2020 03:03 - United States - Denver

Today, my daughter lightly bumped her hand on a wall, cried and screamed for 5 minutes, vomited, then passed out. She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 282

Close, but no cigar

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 22:00 - United States - Athens

Today, my boyfriend tried to compliment my date-night attire. His brain couldn't decide between, "So pretty" and, "You're the shit," so his mouth decided, "You're so shitty" would suffice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 305

Let me iiiiiiin

By Space†Witch - 03/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm working a photography gig for a very prominent metal band. The doorman asked me for my I.D, which I happily obliged. I'm 27, however I look like I'm still in my mid to late teens. He will not let me in, even with my I.D, and the band who hired me won't answer their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 145

You deserved it 212

By Suzie - 18/02/2019 16:00

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 574

You deserved it 230

By Anonyme - 01/08/2015 04:51 - Japan - Iruma

Today, I’m on vacation in Japan. Hungry, I went to a restaurant. Looking at photos of the food, I selected a lovely looking bowl of rice with slices of squid. I was served some ice cream. With squid. On a unidentified white mousse. I’m still hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 132

Sorry

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 18:00

Today, I finally got my forklift license after training for a week. Almost eight hours later, I lost my license by not lowering my forks, crashing into and destroying four overhead light fixtures which cost more than $500 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 3 035

By socialbanana - 19/12/2016 02:13 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after getting up at 6 a.m., fighting with the dogs to wipe their paws off from the snow, and having to wait for a moving truck to move so I could get to work by 8, I got a call from my boss saying we were closed due to weather. It was 8:15. I was already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 679

You deserved it 710

By Anonymous - 28/04/2017 21:00 - France - Paris

Today, as we were exchanging little affections in bed, my girlfriend suddenly burst into tears. I insisted on knowing why. She had just realized how much she missed her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 736

You deserved it 430

Grateful

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 07:59

Today, it was sister’s birthday. I decided to give her money instead of a present, because I couldn’t come up with a gift idea. When she opened the envelope and took the $100 out, she looked at me and asked me if this was the best I could’ve done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 210

By now my watch begins - 31/07/2017 04:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 901

You deserved it 1 006

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The Top

Today, at nearly 9 months pregnant, I came home to find the nursery that had been set up was now completely stripped of everything. My husband was angry at me for not forgiving him for getting another woman pregnant at the same time, so he took everything from the room and gave it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 93

Today, my girlfriend invited me over to her family’s house for dinner. Every dish was packed with onion, garlic, pepper, and some spices I couldn’t even identify. I couldn’t actually taste the meat or the side dishes. All the nuance had been obliterated. I think they might not have taste buds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 332

Today, I went to see a movie by myself and ended up sitting next to a couple on a first date, who spent the whole movie whispering to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 170

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 701

You deserved it 4 378

Today, after weeks of asking, I was finally given my debit card back from my parents. They’ve spent over $1000 and now I’m scared to know how much I have left. There was no mention of a reimbursement either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 186

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 151

You deserved it 43 290