The Top

Haha oh gosh this was my FML. To clarify yes I am experienced I have worked there for 8 months so far which was a few more months experience than the server in the FML, and I'm practically a veteran there as most of our staff leave in a few months I was in a bit of a rush because we were busy and while it isn't my job to bus tables for the servers I do it to help them out so I was a little peeved that this server would say something like that to a customer when I had been cleaning most of his tables for him. It was pretty funny and I went over to the customer and we had a good laugh about it.

Travelling light

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip, I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. I couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 189

You deserved it 1 189

By Anonymous - 12/03/2019 20:00

Today, my friend was complaining about how she did not like Mexican food. Confused, I asked her whether she had even had Mexican food, to which she replied, “Yeah, I mean I’ve had Taco Bell.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 267

Time travel is possible… via hair salons

By Jennifer H. - 20/03/2017 14:00

Today, I told my new hairstylist that I like Jennifer Aniston's look and that I'm trying to grow my hair out. She gave me the "Rachel" haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 228

You deserved it 1 280

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 00:00

Today, working midnight at a coffee shop, I had a customer set down his phone on the counter to pay. Screen up. Still playing his, "Ebony Rimjob" porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 387

You deserved it 406

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 00:01

Today, a fork hit me in the eye. I was holding it. I didn't even get to eat my chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 565

Oooooh yeah

By omgwtf - 01/06/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my girlfriend had changed my ringtone to some woman moaning with pleasure continuously. I found this out in the middle of a job interview when she rang me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 594

Slipping up

By Drai Gray - 24/06/2019 14:12

Today, I'm finally dating the girl I've been fawning over for years. So what do I do? I accidentally called her by her sister's name during a conversation, which might seem like a small mistake, except I used to sleep with her sister, and she's been having a hard time getting over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 3 738

Booze confused

By piliseep - 07/06/2017 16:00

Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 101

You deserved it 1 685

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but…

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, it was my birthday. I'd told my wife i would love a new battery drill, finally getting a decent one after all these years, and picked out a few nice ones. I opened the present: another cheap off-brand drill. They "didn't have any of the ones I picked out", but this one came with free drill bits. All useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 238

By NotJoeyEssex - 26/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was so lonely and bored, I thought about making the most of our current heatwave by giving myself heatstroke, just so I could talk to a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 1 181

Leave me alone!

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 18:00

Today, I posted that I'm having a yard sale and listed a bunch of stuff I'm selling. People started messaging, asking me to send pictures and prices. That's why I'm having the yard sale, so I don't have to post pictures and prices! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 333

By Whywhywhy - 20/08/2017 13:01

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 361

You deserved it 382

Waste

By JellyBite - 01/09/2019 06:00 - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to take a nap. When I asked him why he wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day, he said, "To make time go by faster." He's leaving in 9 days. We're going to be 3,000 miles apart. For a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 265

Everybody needs good Neighbours…

By borkbork - 06/09/2019 00:02 - Canada

Today, I was standing on the balcony I share with the neighboring apartment. My morbidly obese neighbor didn't know I was there, and walked out with her breasts exposed. Her boyfriend then walked out and struck up a conversation with me about the fine weather we're having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 173

Gamers rise up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2021 but it's good stuff - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I went over to a guy's house. He had almost no furniture and slept on a mattress on the floor; however, he had the most impressive gaming computer I've ever seen. He's 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 415

Well Well Well

By no good deed... etc - 16/10/2017 04:30

Today, I tried to surprise my mom and wash her car while she was away. Today, I also found out how gross our well water is. The car looks worse than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 950

You deserved it 412

The Crying Game

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 12:00

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 255

I don't know either

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I went camping in the mountains with my girlfriend and her very outdoor loving mountain. I sprained my ankle falling out of the car and got a bug bite on my penis while peeing. Her dad actually asked why she was dating me and she admitted that she had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 670

Yeeted it

By Anonymous - 21/09/2022 02:30 - Canada - Brampton

Today, two weeks after my wife of 3 years caught me screwing her sister in our bed, and she disappeared to her mom’s and refused to take my calls, she came home to get her stuff. Apparently on the night I cheated, she was about to tell me she was 6 weeks pregnant with my baby. She left for the two weeks to get an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 4 593

I mean, technically you can still do it…

By Anonymous - 09/09/2022 00:30

Today, I had been looking forward to sex all day, got home, got my husband's engine running, got naked on top of him, violently sneezed at his new aftershave, and started my period all over his balls. We were centimetres away from sex and now have to wait 3 to 7 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 097

You deserved it 454

Man vs Boy

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 19:00

Today, it was my first day at a new gym, which cost a fortune. Some skinny teen who had clearly never lifted in his life dropped a weight while I was stretching and broke my ankle. Money down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 005

You deserved it 312

(That's 77° in Freedom Units)

By Anonymous - 19/05/2018 20:30

Today, we're having my grandmother over. Because we don't have a guest room, she is sleeping in mine. It is 25°C at night and she is sleeping naked with her dog right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 371

Dogs 4 Life

By RIPFelicity - 21/08/2021 00:01

Today, my boss wrote me up for appearing "depressing" to customers. I told her that I was upset because my dog had to be put down yesterday. She told me, "Aw that’s sad. But guess what? That dog ain’t gonna pay your bills and put bread on your table. So cut the emo crap or you’re fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 246

Looking good

By JillianJuneBug - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, the bad haircut I got recently no longer makes me look like Dora the Explorer. Instead, I now look like He-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 232

You deserved it 470

Sigma grindset

By TrueStory - 05/04/2024 23:00 - Pakistan

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, just because he found out I scam people for money on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 2 228

All kinds of wrong

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 3 029

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for building an Ikea shelf/dresser combo completely by myself. When going to put the last drawer together, I dropped one of the boards. The corner landed perfectly in the middle of my phone screen, shattering it. It's going to cost $230 to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 302

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 431

You deserved it 1 778

Today, I was caught and fined for picking a lock. I have OCD. I was picking the padlock on a toilet paper holder in a public toilet because the roll was the wrong way round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 198

You deserved it 14 565

Today, I went on my very first date. We went out to eat dinner and everything went great! Afterwards, I went to drop him back off at his house. I backed out of his driveway and got stuck in a ditch. His dad had to come out and tow me out. So that's how I met my boyfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 201

You deserved it 3 889

Today, as we were discussing our plans for 2026, I suggested we go vegan as it's healthier and better for the planet. My husband said, "Ask me to go vegan again and I'll have divorce papers for you the next day." Why? Why are men so adamantly opposed to veganism? FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 1 102

Today, I woke up with my period. At least I'm getting into the Christmas spirit with red and green shorts, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 142