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OP here. I had to stay where I was while the police talked to the dealership to get it sorted out. Once they realized I had the keys and the paperwork, they let me go. The dealership said this has never happened before and they're going to make it right by fixing my car for free as well as detailing and oil change.

By hate - 06/07/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 254

You deserved it 462

By oneloveliz - 17/09/2017 23:15

Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 497

You deserved it 1 580

By YouWish - 25/08/2016 03:57 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, on my way to work, I was checking my hair in the semi-reflective window of an office building. I suddenly realized that the guy I had a one-night stand with last week was standing on the other side, looking confused. He now genuinely believes that I am stalking him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 424

You deserved it 1 719

By Honest mistake - 18/04/2018 05:00

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 433

You deserved it 5 232

By Noname - 22/02/2009 06:14 - Australia

Today, I did my work, the work of my co-worker who called in sick and the work of my boss who has no idea what the hell is going on all at the same time. I didn't get a promotion because I don't work hard enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 380

You deserved it 3 217

Toxic masculinity

By Anonymous - 19/07/2021 07:59

Today, my grandad smacked me on the back of the head, and told me to, "Act like a goddamn man and stop crying." It was at the funeral of my mum and sister, who both died in a car crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 149

You deserved it 125

ur mom gay

By Anonymous - 02/05/2018 01:30

Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 331

You deserved it 739

He doesn't even go here!

By ladyofzanarkand - 25/05/2018 20:30

Today, I had my high school piano recital. The entire time I was playing, one of my classmates sitting up front kept booing me and yelling "YOU SUCK" at the top of his lungs. He drowned out the entire song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 166

You deserved it 249

Stuck in a rut

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 20:00

Today, I realised my wife has been slowly phasing out most elements of our previously active and inventive sex life. These days, it's missionary once a month or she tells me to whack one off by myself in the bathroom. When did we get so boring? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 344

By Chantraine - 26/08/2018 19:30 - United Kingdom

Today, after a long day at work, I grabbed some flowers for my fiancée. As I got to my front door, I heard screaming inside. Thinking there was a burglar, I Immediately ran to where the screams were originating. My bride-to-be was screwing my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 612

You deserved it 218

By TodX - 27/12/2008 08:23 - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 770

You deserved it 5 829

By Sunflare - 21/09/2018 17:30 - Netherlands - Holten

Today, my landlady gave me exactly one day to move out. I'm not even in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, I got a badly-needed job at a local discount store. After being hired, I found out I'm to help with the soon-to-begin store closing sale, and I'll be jobless again after 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 944

You deserved it 471

By Wow - 23/12/2018 16:00

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 650

You deserved it 155

Annoying

By bluebird97 - 28/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend called work because he is sick. Then he called me four times while I was working, to complain that I was working, and then he got mad when I told him I was sick and worked a double shift two days in a row, because apparently that's "insensitive" of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 789

You deserved it 271

By Unistudent - 30/01/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I mustered up the courage to take a dump in a public toilet so I went to the disabled toilet in our university library. I did my thing, the flush didn't work, I pulled the red string thinking it would do something and a buzzer started ringing throughout the whole university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 2 401

After careful consideration…

By Newgenmom - 18/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my husband I might want a baby, so he took me to visit his best friend who has a toddler and we stayed for an hour. I no longer want a baby. I want the pill wrapped in 2 condoms and a joint vasectomy/hysterectomy paid for with my non-baby disposable income, and my husband now has a shit eating grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 1 709

By alone - 20/04/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my fiancé has been talking to another girl behind my back about how much he hates being with me. Turns out he’s been talking to her everyday for 3 months, and she kept pushing him to leave me, but he was only staying because I cook for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 815

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 447

You deserved it 3 982

By Ctmusher - 14/04/2017 16:00

Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 985

You deserved it 424

By hellpop - 10/12/2016 16:23 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, my partner and I took his daughter to a museum. "I want to see the dead people!" is all she said the whole journey there. She's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 024

You deserved it 884

hellpop tells us more.

hellpop 22

Sunday 11 December 2016 20:51

Hey, OP here. I thought I'd leave a comment just to give a tiny bit more clarity. After we went to the museum and took her for food, we asked why she said that. Turns out, she'd heard us talking about it and heard that there was a mummy there. So #1 was spot on! The next day in fact she went on to repeat what I read out at the mummy exhibit so there is nothing wrong with this girl's memory.