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By toobroketoprotest - 16/08/2019 20:00

Today, I found out that the higher-ups aren’t letting us use the break room anymore, so guess it’s back to eating lunch in my car while it’s 100°F outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 135

Paparazzi

By iStoleTheBrownie - 25/08/2017 01:32

Today, my friend asked me to send her a picture of my crush. I've never talked to him so I had to take the picture without him knowing. My flash was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 4 047

Taking the piss

By kafreen - 30/08/2016 19:35 - United States - Tucson

Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 715

You deserved it 1 275

The Headmaster Ritual

By angry mama - 21/09/2019 00:01

Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 143

This is fine

By wheel 4 - 01/12/2017 05:00

Today, I went out with my best friend, his girlfriend, and a girl they've been wanting to introduce to me. I thought they wanted to set us up, but it turns out they're a throuple and wanted me to be the first to know. I think I'm the first fourth wheel in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 385

You deserved it 398

By fme - 27/01/2018 15:00

Spicy

Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered, "Incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 875

You deserved it 367

By Poopsie - 13/08/2018 06:00

Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 100

You deserved it 422

By CharlesEmersonW - 02/09/2018 02:30 - Romania - Timisoara

Today, 5 years after the fact, I finally realized how dense I am for not understanding that when she undresses in front of you and poses naked, she isn't expecting you to be a gentleman and turn around and leave the room. It's haunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 3 397

Freaked out

By DomesticPatrol - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 907

You deserved it 1 967

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 02:00

Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 290

You deserved it 481

By ikolo - 25/02/2012 07:37 - Malaysia

Today, I broke my leg while riding a bike. The doctor couldn’t help laughing when he saw on the X-ray that the broken tip of my bone looked like a puzzle piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 53

Are you kidding me?

By The nice guy finishing last - 27/03/2017 12:00

Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 276

You deserved it 526

By Hmm - 06/06/2017 16:19

Spicy

Today, I gave a coworker a lift to the next town over town catch a train. When I picked him up, he was wasted, and halfway there he asked me to pull over so he could puke. He managed not to blow chunks, but crapped his pants in the process. He left a stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 073

You deserved it 514

Dr.Pickles tells us more.

Dr.Pickles 10

Sunday 4 June 2017 22:40

OP here, i did finally get the stain removed!! I think I went through 7 layers of shock when this all happened , but I couldn't kick him out of the truck. He was on his way to his mom's funeral. Thankfully I will leave that job before he returns from his travels. No awkward moments here, and I'll definitely be avoiding his calls. It definitely made me question doing so much for others but I'd do it again.

By catty_13 - 07/10/2017 04:30

Today, thanks to my estranged husband, I had three seizures at work. I came home yesterday to find that my seizure medications were completely gone. He'd flushed them down the toilet because he thinks I'm psychotic and "read on the internet" that it's because of the meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 143

You deserved it 280

Mother knows best...

By flymetothemoon - 27/09/2017 20:00

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 4 363

Criminal Minds

By Anonymous - 18/09/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 676

You deserved it 134

Alexa, play "Meat Is Murder" by The Smiths

By meat is meat - 07/10/2019 02:07

Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 2 745

By Acu7519 - 16/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 221

You deserved it 855

By Instacreep - 20/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that when someone posts a "story" on Instagram, they can see who has viewed it and how many times. I have been viewing an ex's story every day for the past week. We do not follow each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 4 469

Meanwhile, in 1953…

By nope! - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 677

You deserved it 463

By NoValentine - 14/02/2009 22:49 - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 616

You deserved it 3 128

OK thx goodbye

By ADD - 11/02/2009 14:59 - Bulgaria

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with, "Who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 776

You deserved it 4 536

Gross!

By cantstopfeelingit - 16/12/2019 05:00

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 223

You deserved it 2 500

By BadKneeBackAndSinuses - 23/09/2018 15:30

Today, I found out I have to have an operation. This will be the third in 3 years, all for completely unrelated reasons. I'm only 26 and apparently my body is already falling apart at the seams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 841

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 13/01/2017 18:00

Today, I had to suspend a student. Apparently, someone convinced him that he turned invisible. He walked into the girls locker room thinking he could not be seen. I work at a high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 728

You deserved it 604

Ammo

By Ms.rain - 07/12/2018 12:30

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom, to check if I was cheating. I'm not. He was looking for some leverage for when he told me he's been fucking my best friend for the last year, he could use something against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 468

You deserved it 265

By Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 1 303

By badpigeon - 24/02/2017 18:35 - France - Le Mans

Today, I was on my motorbike, riding through town, when a bird collided with my crash helmet. I lost my balance, and fell. As a result: a leg, a rib and a wrist of mine were broken. The EMT guy helpfully reassured me that the pigeon was A-OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 527

You deserved it 597

Creepy creep alert. Run!

By LeaveMeAlone - 06/04/2017 04:00

Today, my manager "bumped" into me 3 or 4 separate times. I told him months ago I didn't want to date him. He even asked me once if I was ever afraid of being kidnapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 671

You deserved it 323

Loose connections

By CheeseLover - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring

Today, the pizza delivery guy and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 064

You deserved it 1 275

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 504

You deserved it 6 660

Today, I realized the only reason I watched the SuperBowl is because Justin Bieber tweeted about it. I don't even like football. I had no idea what was going on the whole game. All I knew was who I was cheering for, because Justin Bieber tweeted who he was cheering for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 314

You deserved it 86 693

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 673

You deserved it 32 816

Today, I discovered I have narcolepsy. During a driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 143

Today, my boyfriend’s ex found out I was pregnant. Her logical response was to have her teenage sons jump him as he was coming home from work. Now we’re filling out a police report instead of our baby registry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 159

Today, my wife helped herself to an energy drink at 7pm, because she "felt tired", and yelled at me when I told her not to. All night, all I heard was, "Babe, I can't sleep. I'm restless. Talk to me. Babe, you're sleeping and I feel lonely. Hey babe what are you thinking about? What's going through your head?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 75