The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 151

You deserved it 636

By TheNewCashierInTown - 23/05/2016 19:30 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, it was my second day working as a cashier in a drug store. I thought everything went great, but by the end of my shift, my cash register was $10 short. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if on my first day it hadn't been $30 short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 892

You deserved it 3 162

By Anonymous - 03/05/2016 21:47 - United States - Eugene

Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 961

You deserved it 1 290

Great story man, but…

By hapless - 16/01/2009 07:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver told me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listened to him for 20 minutes, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charged me £5.80 and my boss gave me a warning for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 305

You deserved it 3 439

By Anonymous - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I dropped my keys in the sewer. The spare ones are inside my locked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 961

You deserved it 11 425

Spirit world

By Anonymous - 21/01/2017 10:00

Today, I got another in a year-long string of threatening letters about my late mother's credit card bill. I've called the credit company repeatedly to settle the account, but they won't talk to me because I'm not authorized to access it. Hope they have a Ouija board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 017

You deserved it 499

By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 01:28

Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 992

You deserved it 3 129

Inappropriate

By elcee1987 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. Now my niece won't stop making the same hand gesture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 932

You deserved it 2 492

Thanks!

By RiceSickle - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 275

You deserved it 4 165

By Anonymous - 25/05/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, after spending five months helping my husband lose a ton, he left me. Apparently, "fit people" should only have sex with "fit people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 146

You deserved it 534

By Anonymous - 22/10/2016 04:32

Today, my boyfriend of nearly six months broke up with me. Over text. In a group chat. With the new girl he wanted to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 532

You deserved it 747

By Raspution - 28/12/2017 18:00

Today, I received my first customer complaint. A regular customer is uncomfortable because I'm always smiling and saying "see you soon". They're considering treating it as sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 460

You deserved it 366

raspution tells us more.

raspution 21

Wednesday 27 December 2017 3:24

OP here and i work for the government apparently this will cost tax payers about 10,000 to investigate. Tax dollars at work.

By welptbh - 04/04/2018 16:30 - United States - San Pablo

Today, I came out to my parents as trans. They immediately took my remaining college savings, canceled my credit card, and began plotting to abduct me and "wean me off hormones, like a heroin addict." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 104

You deserved it 1 556

By Reggie - 27/04/2018 19:00

Today, my mom won the lottery. My biological mom who I only met last year, after 33 years of not knowing who she was. She is sharing her millions with her kids, but that doesn't include me as I "don't count". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 907

You deserved it 638

By Anonymous - 18/06/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of four years decided that the best way to break up with me was to move out of our apartment while I was at work, and then text me a video of himself having sex with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 326

You deserved it 351

By gman - 12/09/2018 03:30

Today, I've been seeing this girl for three months. After asking her if she'd like to go out to eat with me, I realized that she never called me by my name, just "hey you". While we were out, I wondered what she had me saved as, so I texted her when she got up to use the restroom. It was "free food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 479

Drama

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Brookhaven

Today, my 45-year-old child of a mother made such a dramatic scene over finding a hair in her food that the initially apologetic owners ended up kicking my family out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 746

You deserved it 1 594

Timing is everything

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Metamora

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 237

You deserved it 5 366

Just a tad

By concusion - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out the "small termite problem" the inspector told me about wasn't so small when a box from the attic fell through the floor and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 131

You deserved it 3 349

By Bassackward - 25/08/2016 05:53

Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 945

You deserved it 1 296

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 13:45 - Maldives

Today, while using the bathroom I gave the toilet a courtesy flush, only for it to overflow and soak my pants. That would've been bad enough even if I hadn't been at work, with five hours left on my shift and no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 312

You deserved it 1 082

By Ashley J. - 01/03/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 303

You deserved it 17 560

By Dale - 21/02/2009 02:20 - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 540

You deserved it 4 191

Slight hiccup

By really - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Ottawa

Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggested she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill herself because of her severe medical condition." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 944

You deserved it 1 101

Anti-Dad

By Mr. Unlucky - 27/05/2018 19:30 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, after suffering a severe brain injury and receiving a large amount of money from the lawsuit for physical and mental rehab, I found out that my dad stole it all and spent it on himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 256

You deserved it 251

By Peachtree - 04/06/2018 15:00

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 754

You deserved it 483

By whhhhyyyyyyy - 16/02/2017 03:03 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I had a Tinder coffee date. He picked me up, we went to a coffee shop, we talked about work. I was having a fine time, that is until I went to the restroom and came back to find him, his car, and my phone charger gone. That was my only charger, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 337

You deserved it 875

allherenotthere tells us more.

allherenotthere 4

Tuesday 14 February 2017 20:58

OP here. Trust me, that was the first and last time I'll let a guy pick me up to go on a date. I'll admit, I'm kind of new to the Tinder thing, and it was slightly spontaneous, so that's why my phone wasn't charged. It was drained from a day of college classes, for those who are wondering. I think the sting of getting ditched for the first time was a little worse than having my charger stolen.

By JessMelodique - 14/12/2016 03:01

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 250

You deserved it 743

By Nicoleanne - 20/11/2016 14:08

Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 496

You deserved it 13 320

Superficial

By toolateabuckshort - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found my high school crush on Facebook. He asked me out. Too bad he's fat and bald now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 712

You deserved it 2 419

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, while at work, I was driving a manual car for the third time ever. I managed to stall it and jolt forward, bumping the horn at the same time in front of a group of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 243

Today, one of my younger nephews had an epileptic seizure. My mom started to administer wrong treatments she learned from Google. Being a doctor, I told her she'll make it worse. She then told me to shut up because I'm inexperienced, saying that Google has been there longer than I've been a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 123

You deserved it 185

Today, as I was laying down to sleep, I grabbed my covers and realized the cat pissed on them and on my body pillow. Now I'm up at 1 a.m. doing laundry so I can have clean bedding and my kids are awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 217

You deserved it 446

Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 642

You deserved it 360

Today, I walked in on my grandmother's cats fighting, and my brothers gambling on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 127

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 395

You deserved it 3 664