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gran ruined masturbation - 01/06/2023 12:00

Today, if I'm out of breath, sweaty, or in a room with the door closed, my grandmother will loudly yell, "YOU HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING!" as soon as she sees me. It's been going on for three years. My parents think it's hilarious. I want to die. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Susan - 18/03/2013 08:59 - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

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Caught red-handed

caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

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welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

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Cool off

chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

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Gatekeeping

My eyes and ears - 20/08/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML

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Anonymous - 26/07/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

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The long game

Not this again.... - 26/09/2023 10:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I visited my Grandma's house, and my uncle happened to be there. As expected, and all the time, he greeted with his signature shit-eating, "I see what you did there" face. He's been doing that to me ever since he saw me masturbating when I was a little kid. I'm 47, married, and have 2 kids now. FML

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camp - 03/03/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML

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Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

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T-Bear - 07/10/2015 15:02 - United States - College Station

Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML

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Charlie Given 26

Thursday 1 June 2023 13:07

Just do it right back at her 😂

Crowned Sataness 12

Thursday 1 June 2023 15:08

fight fire with fire. yell back that it's the best sex you've ever had

Charlie Given 26

Thursday 1 June 2023 13:07

Just do it right back at her 😂

Crowned Sataness 12

Thursday 1 June 2023 15:08

fight fire with fire. yell back that it's the best sex you've ever had

JasonThorn 20

Thursday 8 June 2023 5:54

Or, "How COULD I, knowing YOU'RE in the house?"

Blimix 9

Thursday 1 June 2023 15:36

You might possibly be able to shame her over this, if she can be shamed! Go for a run. Use your phone to film yourself for the last part of the run, out of breath. Keep filming in one clip, as you walk into the house, and then catch her on camera yelling, "You have been masturbating!" Spread that video far and wide: Friends, relative, neighbors. Show it in person to visitors, while she's right there in the room with you. Use it to completely discredit her, and make sure she knows it.

Iamthebanzai22 21

Thursday 1 June 2023 20:00

I agree, fight fire with fire. Some good answers would be: "Is that all you ever think about? You pervert!" "Yes, and it was amazing!!" "Yes, and then I wiped it on the curtains". Also, find the most vile, extreme **** that you can find and leave it playing on your PC on top volume. Also, actually do ********** and when you cum, loudly shout your own name. Have fun with it.