Work, Weird, Awkward Love Tonight, on First Dates… - FML

Tonight, on First Dates…

James C - 18/04/2012 08:48 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I was on a first date. She asked what I do, so I replied, "I create adverts." She then yelled, "F**k you" and left. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

well okay then - 20/05/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

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Paranoid

Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

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Anonymous - 05/11/2012 19:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "Nope", and walked out. FML

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nikto - 03/06/2011 01:01

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

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anonymous - 19/11/2016 18:35 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I was eating lunch on my first date with a really pretty girl, when my ex shows up at the same restaurant and starts telling her how bad of a boyfriend I was. My date left. FML

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The Doc - 07/06/2016 22:41

Today, I was on a first date at a bar, when a girl walks over and ask me if I'm a doctor. I said yes, thinking she overheard me talking about my PhD. The girl then showed me a lump on her breast and asked what to do about it. My date then slapped me and left. FML

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steak through the heart - 18/11/2014 18:57 - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

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anonymous - 14/07/2015 17:28 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

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That went well

Anonymous - 14/06/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML

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firstdate - 24/01/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

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yoursucklives 36

Wednesday 18 April 2012 15:54

well you know, internet ads are kinda annoying...

lk2481 4

Wednesday 18 April 2012 15:54

Guess she doesn't like advertisements....

perdix 29

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:10

Actually, you are lucky. A girl that despises what you do would for a living will consume a free meal at your expense, rebuff your sexual advances with maximum humiliation, and then not return your calls for a second date. You got off cheap and with your self-esteem intact.

krez 20

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:13

Hey OP, F**K YOU! j/k I know it's only your job.

alexup24 13

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:15

Remember when YouTube was yours?

bellaxmonkeyx_fml 8

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:17

So you're the asshole responsible for all the frustration that goes into my intimate encounters with myself! I'm waiting for the goods but I have to wait two minutes while I learn about this amazing product that will enlarge my nonexistent penis. She had clearly been watching the same **** videos...

tripleshame 3

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:38

Oh snap.

thats_my_job 11

Wednesday 18 April 2012 18:57

...goes the strap on.

Wolvander88 19

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:18

"What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons". - Don Draper

Pelreskovich 11

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:22

I feel like you didn't deserve that.

sougstad 7

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:23

Hey, you can still go home and beat off...just saying

doctorhook86 24

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:24

Yeah. TheyTube sucks.

purplemnm 9

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:27

Those ads are saving you from paying for YouTube. So shut up.

mintcar 9

Wednesday 18 April 2012 16:33

Well, fortunately for you, not all of us are psychotic.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, someone shat liquid poo in the hallway at work. Right. Outside. The bathroom. Another foot and they could have used a toilet instead of the carpeted floor. FML

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Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. The problem? My birthday is tomorrow. I spent the entire evening pretending I was surprised and happy, all while knowing they got the date wrong. FML

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Today, as I'd been going to a gym with my wife as a guest on her account, I joined as a regular member. However, before I had time to go under my own membership, the gym closed down due to the coronavirus. FML

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Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

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Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

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Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It's going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers' spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

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