This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By ERock85 - 24/03/2019 16:00

Today I was going to bed with my wife and she was giving all the signs that she wanted to get it on. I rolled to her side of the bed and made my move. She rolled the other way, grabbed her phone, and played on Instagram. P.S. it was my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 315
You deserved it 198

Top comments

Sounds like you are really awful at reading "the signs." It might also have something to do with the fact you mention your birthday, like a 12 year old would to extra complain about not getting the last slice of pizza. Nothing kills a libido faster than a dude acting like you owe them sex.

so moral of story you are as loyal as a married rabbit at a snowbunny orgy

Comments

Sounds like you are really awful at reading "the signs." It might also have something to do with the fact you mention your birthday, like a 12 year old would to extra complain about not getting the last slice of pizza. Nothing kills a libido faster than a dude acting like you owe them sex.

u must have done something u aren't aware of

She can’t multitask? She should be able to play on Instagram while you claim your obligatory Birthday Anal.

What the hell was your move? Grabbin a tit? Sticking your fingers in her buttcrack? Doing the helicopter? Whatever it was must have hit her privates like the Sahara Desert. Sounds like you need to ask what she likes in foreplay instead of assuming. Nothing is a bigger turn off than your partner making no effort to learn what you like. Well, except for acting like you’re owed sex.

MannyWasHere 12

Was most likely writing your insta happy birthday post!

sublimechica4 7

Geez O Peet's people/kids. He is just on here to complain like the rest of us. Sometimes life is just an FML. Let him have it. (Are only children on this website now?) As an ADULT, many of us have had this happen now and again, and sometimes we just wanna bit*h about it. It's Allowed! That's what FML is here for!!!! ** I feel for ya bro/OP ** Better luck & vibes your for your next birthday!