Intimacy: Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish... - FML

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 993

You deserved it 64 734

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Same thing different taste

Keep fit!

By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 1 695

By Jack Shart Jr. - 08/07/2015 15:16 - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 076

You deserved it 18 047

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 364

Fresh and not Fit

By Anonymous - 14/06/2011 01:08 - United States

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 819

You deserved it 54 659

Take it easy

By Endrit Begolli - 27/06/2023 00:02 - Albania

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 256

Wanking to death

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Spicy

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 765

You deserved it 12 435

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 638

You deserved it 31 340

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 300

Knackered and shattered

By Out of Shape - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 134

You deserved it 35 900

Next

Top comments

DJR_fml 2

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:22

did you know 5 out of 5 guys. **********.. :O

Raddaya 3

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:26

Sir, this is the funniest FML I have ever seen. Thank you for making my day. As a reward, I bless you that you will succesfully **********.

Comments

mrssheldoncooper 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 18:47

How did you find your penis?

evilcartman 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 18:56

stick to world of warcraft fatman

kickass1142 7

Sunday 13 February 2011 18:57

hahahahaha! ydi for being fat and not realizing it! but this has got to be one of the funniest fmls I've read

haleymay177 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 18:59

do you not realize being out of shape does not mean you're fat. gosh. I'm skinny as a twig and way outta shape.

laneylovesu2 3

Sunday 13 February 2011 19:41

Masturbation counts as exercise, right? ...keep up the good work! xD

voirontship 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 1:22

+1

dnljcbsn 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 19:43

u ******* pathetic looser

MacItUp 8

Thursday 15 May 2014 22:40

Ya be more like that guy ^ with his sweet profile pic? Question mark intended

blahblahblah5_x 13

Sunday 13 February 2011 20:12

LOL at your life.

QueenOfBoredom 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 20:20

says the person with justin bieber as their profile picture

guppy40000 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 20:24

skinny people can be out of shape too, just like skinny people can have heart attacks as well. Plenty of different ways of measuring whether a person is in shape or not and being fat or skinny doesnt matter. What a weight obsessed cutlure we live in.

jwells4 0

Monday 14 February 2011 4:07

if you're fat than yea you are out of shape. if you're out of shape you may not be fat.

marcranger 28

Sunday 13 February 2011 21:59

ydi, fattie. no wonder you need to **********.

TheNewGuy03 28

Sunday 13 February 2011 22:02

why are you spanking your monkey with the speed of a woodpecker? |the kid|

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Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 540

You deserved it 6 135

Today, as a tax preparer, I had to deliver the bad news that a lady owed a very large sum in taxes. I even had my supervisor check my work as this was serious. Apparently she has been claiming exemptions she doesn't qualify for for years by going to another local tax office that closed down last year, due to fraud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 80

Today, I was at a stoplight when a guy rear-ended me going 40mph due to texting and driving. The lady in front of me ended up getting bumped by my car, totaling my car and leaving a scratch on her bumper. She refused to call an ambulance. I ended up with a mild concussion and sprained neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 459

You deserved it 616

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 328

You deserved it 4 762

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 631

You deserved it 4 455

Today, I got my first job offer in over a year, a mere few days after being accepted to study for my dream career. My crippling depression won't allow me to enjoy any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 160