To-Do List Blues By FML Approved - 08/10/2017 21:00 So much to do, so little desire... I agree, your life sucks 444 You deserved it 110 Share Tweet Share
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML I agree, your life sucks 709 You deserved it 496
Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I placed my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML I agree, your life sucks 48 624 You deserved it 6 463
Today, I answered a question in a meeting that wasn’t directed at me. I spoke for way too long before realizing everyone was silent because the question had actually been rhetorical. My boss nodded slowly and moved on. No one mentioned it again. FML I agree, your life sucks 164 You deserved it 348
Today, it was my brother's birthday. I was short on money but got him a present anyway. After opening it, he looked at it and said, "I didn't really want this." FML I agree, your life sucks 31 827 You deserved it 2 829
Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML I agree, your life sucks 32 255 You deserved it 96 751
Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed with a liver condition generally found in alcoholics. I've never drank in my life. FML I agree, your life sucks 63 466 You deserved it 3 695