Painful Health Ten out of ten performance, no notes

Ten out of ten performance, no notes

Jesska - - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Use the force

BlueMacaw - - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

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Right back!

Anonymous -

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

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Smoking is so cool

Burnt - - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

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Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

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Rewind time

supersmashpika - - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

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The struggle

lizi - - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

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Red flag

Kirby - - United States

Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML

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Zit remedy

Anonymous - - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

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Piss poor prank

peedonme - - New Zealand

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

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Who are you?

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML

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SeduceRecycle 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:18

 Nooooooo good.

YupImBack 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:22

shit happens

mattmalin11 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 6:16

lolmoment4me

conversesk8er 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 7:18

ouchh

AveryDJ 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 9:05

Facial Fail.

Mike1313 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 9:53

red eyes and a bruise on ur head

Leon91 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 10:34

Haha this FML was spot on ! Totally made me laugh out loud!

_whisper_ 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 15:09

I don't think I've read anything so tragic, or funny before!

AlyWallyy 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 15:18

OUCH BIG TIME 

FML_DCED 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 17:00

WTF is icy hot never hers of it

eduardosuritalov 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 17:02

BAHAHAHA OMG im sorry, but if u think about it, that would be hilarious if it was in a movie :)

crigger61 7

Saturday 4 September 2010 17:15

ive done that to just not with an icy hot bottleee

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

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Today, my boss wanted us to fill out anonymous employee satisfaction surveys. The entire workforce, all 4 of us, just looked at him. How can a sample of only 4 surveys possibly be kept anonymous? He’d know who it was straight away from our handwriting. Man he must think we’re dumb… FML

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Today, I was at the doctor's for a regular check-up. When my appointment was over and I was about to walk out, she yelled across the room in front of everyone, "Oh and if you could lose some weight, that'd be great." FML

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Today, my wife showed me a video she took of me last night. I was shit-faced, dancing half naked to '90s club music in the middle of the street at midnight. She won't stop laughing at me and replaying the video. FML

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Today, I was so excited that my favorite local spot reopened, I couldn’t wait to go there for lunch. Unfortunately, my waiter’s shirt was so caked with thick smelly cat hair, it sent me into an immediate allergy attack. Not only did I not get to eat my food, the manager refused to give me a refund. FML

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Today, my wife was talking to our 9 month-old baby. “Your father really is an example.” I smiled, feeling proud, but then she added, “and not a really good one.” FML

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