Health Food Tasty

Tasty

Anonymous - 17/08/2021 06:01

Today, we all know the expression “Salt in your wounds” and it sounds rather unpleasant, right? Well, I just managed to breathe in while biting into an egg, so trust me, salt in your lungs isn’t great, either. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

There's no such thing as a coincidence

Anonymous - 24/05/2021 10:57

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

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Anonymous - 18/05/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

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Anonymous - 09/01/2016 03:20 - Canada

Today, I found out what unwashed, warty feet taste like after someone kicked me in the mouth with one. FML

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"Eruption" by Van Halen time

Anonymous - 01/08/2021 16:01

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

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farhia97 - 08/11/2011 02:14 - United States

Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML

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Clogged

ISmellBread - 15/12/2023 05:00 - United States - Cabot

Today, I was quickly eating lunch during a work meeting. I ended up inhaling some of my sandwich so I've had toast stuck in my sinuses for the last hour. FML

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Shit happens

DEAD inside - 15/11/2018 08:30 - United States - Pomona

Today, I woke up and brushed my teeth as usual. My brother had decided it would be a good time to prank me and rubbed a ton of salt into my toothbrush. A while later, he stood outside the bathroom door repeatedly saying sorry. It was Epsom salt. FML

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egged - 08/07/2014 01:41 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I have a really high fever and my sister thought I was hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish, but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

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foxyreegan - 04/02/2012 05:22 - United States

Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML

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Anonymous - 02/08/2009 12:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

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Plop 17

Tuesday 17 August 2021 8:27

And to add insalt to injury, I'm sure you didn't even get to enjoy your egg.

AshWayne 10

Tuesday 17 August 2021 9:01

Salt in your wounds like your laughing right at me”

Plop 17

Tuesday 17 August 2021 8:27

And to add insalt to injury, I'm sure you didn't even get to enjoy your egg.

AshWayne 10

Tuesday 17 August 2021 9:01

Salt in your wounds like your laughing right at me”

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 17 August 2021 15:57

Sounds eggs-tremely eggs-cruciating! What!?!? You don't like this yolk?

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML

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Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

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Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

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Today, I logged on to my Gmail account and to find that my brother had sent my math teacher a picture of Bigfoot peeing into a urinal. Using my account. FML

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Today, my roommate, who is 22 years-old, doesn't understand that the trash needs to be taken out. He just puts pizza and burger boxes on top and around the dustbin. Prior to moving in, his mom and sister emphasized on how "clean" he is. He never showers either. FML

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Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

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