Kids, Relatable, Parents Conspiracy theorist Survivor

Survivor

whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Get in, kid

-__- - 28/10/2011 11:50 - Australia

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

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Colin Jr. - 23/09/2015 13:24 - United States

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML

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Don't drink and DIY

bob the builders pissed off daughter - 29/12/2015 23:52 - United States - Campbell

Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML

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Rapunzel - 18/03/2012 20:02 - United States - Tucson

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

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wtf - 30/05/2012 21:34 - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

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Terminally online

Anonymous - 13/08/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to see my dad sitting in his car. I thought it'd be fun to sneak up on him. He was filming himself on his phone, ranting about "fighting like hell" and "a storm coming." He had his baseball cap on backwards, probably because the front had the name of our town in Wales on it. FML

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Crisis control

Cuntlette - 11/04/2014 16:38 - Australia - Brighton

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

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Mid-life crisis

theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20 - Germany - Merseburg

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

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Anonymous - 17/07/2012 20:19 - United States - Renton

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

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fuckbucket14 - 14/04/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

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snakerake 10

Tuesday 22 November 2011 1:56

I thought a mid-life crisis was when a person tried to recapture their youth, not just being a crazy person.

dragonstrike94 8

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:00

Hey don't joke about that "they" might hear you

TheDrifter 23

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:01

Either that or you have started dating and he's just being cautious.

causticgirl 6

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:03

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Go Dad.

caranina 15

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:03

bahahahahah , i love your dad

caranina 15

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:03

bahahahahah , i love your dad

weepingangel_fml 7

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:04

At least you have a lot of privacy with the windows blackened.

SoNotForYou 5

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:05

Sounds more like he started smoking crack.

rhysfucker 24

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:39

I was going to go with 'Crystal meth', but the results are kinda the same...

Blueglasscup 18

Tuesday 22 November 2011 10:25

Shoes!

katestrophic 6

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:06

That's..............rich. Looks like you'll be prepared in case of apocalypse.

btnhdude 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 3:01

Imagine........ A pause that long in an actual conversation.............

ashpaige93 2

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:06

my dad is a mason...so not sure bout this false "conspiracy".

supercrack11 1

Tuesday 22 November 2011 3:41

Yea I know lots of masons the conspiracy theory is bs

sergina101 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 4:02

Yeah my dad is too and there is no conspiracy

josejimenez 0

Wednesday 23 November 2011 8:19

Thats because their not high ranked masons you retards

FYLDeep 25

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:07

Wow you say "finally started" like you were waiting for it to happen. Anyway your father's probably just been watching too much History Channel and is getting ready for the pilgrims from outer space to return this Thanksgiving.