Health, Injury, Ironic Miscellaneous Sliced and diced

Sliced and diced

ShowOff - 11/03/2010 08:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML

11 200

53 593

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 16/05/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

1 666

498

Stay out of the kitchen

Anonymous - 19/11/2022 00:00

Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML

1 173

131

Prae - 01/10/2012 05:47 - United States - Dallas

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

24 706

2 122

Put it away

Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

1 019

991

911 please

hurts - 04/05/2009 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

66 686

4 996

Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

1 145

1 001

Gammon

Anonymous - 24/10/2022 06:00

Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML

319

969

Pointless

Anonymous - 19/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was simply trying to fix my skateboard wheels with my pocket knife. The tip suddenly broke off, leaving me horrified. It was my favorite knife, which I inherited from my dad who abandoned me when I was 4. FML

339

402

cabatt - 13/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML

2 229

986

Slicy slicy

nessacadesa - 24/03/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML

22 993

58 504

itsme88 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 16:13

Duh, you can cut yourself with a dull knife as well. YDI.

Boddmon 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 16:15

You should have demonstrated on your neck instead of your palm. Perhaps then the punishment for your stupidity would have been more suitable.

bordercolliemom 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 16:57

ydi your neurons don't fire

youthink_fml 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:12

Every time I think I've read the about the stupidest thing someone could do.........

evig_fml 16

Thursday 11 March 2010 19:20

lol

FerrariCake 2

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:19

Next time you should demonstrate by swiping it across your scrotum. At least then the rest of us won't have to deal with you passing along your defective genes.

katmandont 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 21:57

Well, he is now! Perhaps he did demonstrate by using his scrotum

blastvortex 3

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:25

Haha. Wow. You sliced your hand, stuck a knife in your foot, and stuffed your foot in your mouth, all in the same go. That's really something, OP.

corambis 13

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:27

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?

ipts 0

Friday 12 March 2010 4:27

ooo, pun!

KurouTenshi 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 17:34

you're overlooking the obvious plus: now that you have liquid flowing profusely from your hand, you should have enough lube to comfortably **********! you have to find the positive things in life, OP.