Miscellaneous Silly idiot - FML

Silly idiot

Heather - 04/03/2010 12:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Remodeling

Spelit - 13/08/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

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The joys of spring

pukeytimes - - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

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Not getting my deposit back

tikizombie - 30/08/2010 20:10 - Canada

Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML

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Taint

PaintedBum - 11/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML

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Tapped out

Anonymous - 06/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I fitted a new shower hose and head, and it went perfectly, until it sprang a leak in the middle of the night, which completely missed the bath and went right onto the floor. We were asleep, so it went for hours, half the house is now soaking wet, and will need redecorating and new carpets FML

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imatotalloser - 28/07/2017 05:00

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

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Walnut head

Anonymous - 16/03/2017 02:00

Today, after sweeping up a spill, I managed to break the cupboard door. With my head. FML

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Housecleaning

QuestionMyLife - 01/10/2009 00:56 - United States

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack, and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

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Freeze

Anonymous - 28/08/2024 20:00 - United States - Plano

Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML

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ohshit - 29/03/2011 00:31 - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

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Sn0w_Bunni 0

Thursday 4 March 2010 20:03

ydi for having an alcoholic for a roomate an then expecting to have nice things!

lovej4ever 0

Thursday 4 March 2010 20:02

you should have stopped your roommate before he walked out

007hawks 0

Thursday 5 August 2010 7:02

kick his ass

handytaco 0

Wednesday 17 November 2010 13:01

YDI for putting a comma between an adjective and a noun.

eatsleepsinglove 4

Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:38

NEW ROOMMATE. 'Nuff said.

kschmidt629 5

Monday 16 May 2011 14:55

I recommend finding a new roommate.....

Fmlsomuch133 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 13:57

U need a new roommate or accept who u live with n stop inproving ur house

EwanSmith 2

Wednesday 17 August 2011 19:53

i feel the 'alcoholic' description used was probably exaggeration and most of you need to stop over analysing. Cho!

NodakN8V 25

Monday 22 April 2013 18:54

Sounds like an ass whoop'n brewing

lexie425 10

Thursday 2 January 2014 3:01

Time for a new roommate.

veracruzana922 6

Saturday 26 July 2014 19:27

Hey My name is Heather too!

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

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Today, my dad's face flushed when I introduced him to my new boyfriend. I live in a small town, and it turns out my dad recognized him. He's the secret child from an affair two decades ago. He's my half-brother. FML

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Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him get through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

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Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "This tastes like shit!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

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Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

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Today, I went on a first date with a guy. It’s a little awkward so I went to the bathroom to do two bumps of coke, came back to the table, and realized it was ketamine. I didn’t tell him, but I was so fucked up, he offered to get me an Uber home but I told him I called my mom to pick me up instead. He left and unmatched me. FML

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