Intimacy Romantic gesture

Romantic gesture

- 19/01/2020 18:00

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 05/08/2009 15:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

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In the mood

Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

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Surprise!

Shobz - 26/10/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

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Romance is dead

Dead Bedrooms, here i come - 13/03/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML

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How very dare you?

Anonymous - 04/05/2021 02:01

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

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dwood08 - 07/11/2014 01:55 - United States - New York

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

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Sussy

Anonymous - 11/09/2023 07:30

Today, on a whim, I bought my wife some flowers on my way home. She put them in a vase then asked me what stupid thing I did that I’m pre-apologising for. She refuses to believe I bought her flowers for any other reason. Man, I must be a really shitty husband. FML

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Kaji - 14/11/2008 11:20 - France

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

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Sorry!

Tally - 24/09/2009 16:16 - Canada

Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited, until I saw they were from a friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML

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Anonymous - 20/09/2013 21:00 - Hungary - Szeged

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

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RichardPencil 30

Sunday 19 January 2020 18:22

On the plus side, you're well-equipped to go out and find a new woman. Tell this one you're an only child.

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 19 January 2020 19:50

That sucks.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 19 January 2020 18:22

On the plus side, you're well-equipped to go out and find a new woman. Tell this one you're an only child.

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 19 January 2020 19:50

That sucks.

Sonotsuave 35

Sunday 19 January 2020 20:28

😲

juggalo2 21

Monday 20 January 2020 2:32

Maybe she was confused by the family resemblance, and thought it was you?

ojosRojos 28

Saturday 25 January 2020 17:26

Are you Jamie from Love, Actually?

RomeoJackson 8

Tuesday 14 April 2020 4:33

go **** her sister lol.

Lisa Wonder 5

Sunday 5 July 2020 23:05

nah. go **** her mom.😂

Lisa Wonder 5

Sunday 5 July 2020 23:04

No freakin way. so sorry 😥

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Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

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Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

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Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

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Today, I crashed my car into a bridge, while playing a song with the line, "I crashed my car into a bridge". FML

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Today, my date told me that he, his parents, and grandparents, believe that all doctors, but especially dentists, are nothing but drug-pushing crooks, and therefore completely unnecessary. Oh and the fact that they’ve all lost their teeth is “genetic” and has nothing to do with their hygiene. FML

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