Health, Food, Gross Vegetarian Recycling at its finest

Recycling at its finest

Anonymous - 09/10/2022 16:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a vegetarian meal at my date's house. She was very proud because she grew all the veggies herself; she even made the fertiliser herself. I was halfway through the meal before I asked what she meant by "made her own fertiliser." It was human shit; her own human shit. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/02/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

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Taxi!

Anonymous - 22/01/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I brought my Tinder date back to my house to cook for her. I made her gnocchi, because she had never had it before. She forgot to tell me she was lactose intolerant, and proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes violently and loudly shitting. I poisoned my date. FML

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Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

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stillsick - 02/03/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

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Strange flex, but OK

Jpah - 24/06/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

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Attention to details

Anonymous - 07/04/2023 10:00 - Spain

Today, I spent hours cooking dinner for my date. When they arrived, they told me that I'd probably not paid much attention to their dating profile, as it clearly mentioned that they were vegan, and thus couldn't eat any of the food I'd prepared. FML

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Good one

bf. - 19/12/2013 02:59 - Canada - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML

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Alexa, play "Policy of Truth" by Depeche Mode

is there a environmental scientist in the house? - 05/03/2013 08:48 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

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Wash your veggies

Anonymous - 12/01/2022 19:59 - Germany

Today, I was teaching a girl from the neighborhood how to cook, telling her to start by washing the veggies. She said, "Oh, because you’re vegan, right?" No dear, because they’re dirty. FML

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yellowthumb - 03/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he regularly pees in our vegetable garden "to give the plants nitrates". FML

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RichardPencil 30

Sunday 9 October 2022 17:38

Get yourself checked for E. coli. On second thought, don't bother. Your results will come out in the next day or so. It could be a ... shitty situation.

Thaylok 17

Sunday 9 October 2022 17:54

Actually, that fertilizer can be treated before use to make it safe to use. However, like in North Korea, that is rarely done. So yes, be ready for the repercussions and be ready to seek medical help if needed. You may try educating her about the cons to using "Night Soil." She may come around. If she refuses to listen to reason, spread your wings and flee that crappy situation.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 9 October 2022 17:38

Get yourself checked for E. coli. On second thought, don't bother. Your results will come out in the next day or so. It could be a ... shitty situation.