Sex, Gross Intimacy Queasy - FML

Queasy

ohdeardarling - 14/06/2009 13:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else had left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

My pleasure

never again - 29/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, a bit buzzed, I finally gave in to my boyfriend's request and gave him a rimjob. I was licking away when I suddenly realized what I was doing, leapt off the bed, and ran to the toilet to puke. FML

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Foxy - 05/02/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

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Big night

mybad7 - 15/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML

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Kinky

LaLa - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

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Sick sex, dude

Anonymous - 18/01/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

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Toomuchisoutofcontrol - 21/01/2017 08:00

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend. I'm usually in control and do my own thing. He tried taking control and I ended throwing up on him. FML

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theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

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Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

Anonymous - 15/08/2018 06:00

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

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Strategic

Anonymous - 07/06/2009 13:50 - South Africa

Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML

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It's just a flesh wound!

manhandled - 01/02/2012 18:05 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

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Sniggle 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 20:07

I don't think the washing of vomit is what killed the mood... unless your boyfriend is into that kind of thing O.o

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 20:07

That's awkward. Guess you shouldn't deepthroat more than you can handle, hmm?

Alliexscenex 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:02

thats sick.

Crickets 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:04

That's really gross. Try putting this in your diary next time instead of a website for the world to see.

teebonehead 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:16

thanks for sharing !

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:24

Drunk ********? Classy as hell. YDI.

JYNXX21 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:24

@74 i never used the word "their" in my comment. & btw, those are lyrics to a song about givin head. i sigh at ignorance. smh.

smile45 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:28

aww that really sucks laugh it off

um_duh 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:34

You really are one classy, drunk chick aren't you... NOT

xarcanus 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:35

+1 # 48

DesireeGray 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:43

Bless! How embarrassing. As #39 said 'Don't Drink and Blow!' Better luck next time.

kdaddy 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 23:43

at least you gave it a shot

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

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Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

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Today, I talked to a teenage girl that came in for debilitating constipation. Turns out she'd stopped drinking water and had been purposely holding her bowels because her new online boyfriend convince her it’s unattractive and unladylike for girls to poop. FML

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Today, I realized that my gay male friend tells me I’m pretty, gives me random compliments, and shows me off more often than my husband of 10 years. I legitimately can’t remember the last time my husband called me beautiful. Even if I ask him how I look, the best I’ll get is “You look fine.” FML

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Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

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Today, I reacted at a group text joke that had already moved on three hours earlier. Everyone had stopped responding. My “HAHAHA” sat there alone like a ghost. FML

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