I have a suspicion that Mom is both envious and mean spirited and/or unthinkingly religious. Unfortunately, nothing you can do is going to fix that. I suggest simply putting plenty of space between mom and you. At this point in your lives, the odds are she’s going to need you more than you need her - So she just ultimately hurts herself to do this if you refuse to bend to her nastiness… We all need an independent and objective valuation of our decisions and situation sometimes - But nobody needs brainless negativity. Just stay away from Mom. Don’t try to persuade family members, let them see for themselves if they need to understand. People are usually not so stupid as they might act - I’m betting most in the family already knows what kind of person your Mom is and what kind of person you are. Just live your life…

So, you get blackout drunk a lot?

you should start making up comparable lies about her and spreading them around. Never too old to need to be trained.