Health Ouch - FML

Ouch

Anonymous - 03/01/2012 23:07 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Indianagirl94 - 29/10/2012 22:22 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

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Anonymous - 14/09/2011 16:34 - United States

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

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Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

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notyourmummy - 12/11/2015 09:09 - United Kingdom - Ryde

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

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milkysubstance - 14/03/2017 05:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML

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ananomus - 22/08/2010 04:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML

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It's a sign!

unknown951 -

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

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sunny_ca559 - 03/03/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

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omgboobs - 23/12/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

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Dodge that bullet

e11ie - 27/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said, "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months, and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

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ClassyCommando 13

Wednesday 4 January 2012 8:17

Calcium gives him strong boners.

FortuneCookie3 1

Wednesday 4 January 2012 8:17

maybe he could suck the blockage out.

cul8erqtpie20 0

Friday 6 January 2012 3:07

This is awesome! I should get my guy to do it!

cul8erqtpie20 0

Friday 6 January 2012 3:09

Is it bad that reading some of the comments, I got turned on? :s

thebaconweave 0

Friday 6 January 2012 4:02

Pics or it didn't happen.

BalletGirl16 0

Friday 6 January 2012 6:15

That's gross why would you even post that? Eeeeewwww...

Fylminesawsome 5

Friday 6 January 2012 18:52

That's what nipples are for!

Crabtree1015 12

Friday 6 January 2012 20:42

Thats gross! How immature is he. Get a new boyfriend!

20jetsgo 3

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:08

I am aroused by this post. : - l

Hacim95 0

Sunday 8 January 2012 1:00

Got milk? Haha Sorry I had too

aroman2312 10

Sunday 8 January 2012 1:46

what a jerk ».«

radiariad 0

Sunday 8 January 2012 3:46

Oh dang.......thts a little creepy

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

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Today, I found a photo of me as a sad-looking teenage schoolboy. No wonder. Under that uniform, I was wearing women's shapewear. I was a chubby kid and, against my will, I was forced into wearing a firm control panty girdle - ashamed, uncomfortable and terrified of being caught, it really messed me up for life. FML

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Today, my psychiatrist prescribed Xanax. I thought that was a little extreme and that my anxiety wasn't bad enough for that. Within the next hour, I had 2 panic attacks. I guess I'm worse off than I thought. FML

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Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

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Today, on my first day as a middle school substitute teacher, the class I was in had blue passes for boys and red passes for girls. The kid in the front row raised a number two for the bathroom, so I handed her a red pass, only for him to brush his hair back and say, "I'm a boy." The whole class laughed and called him "Babe". FML

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Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML

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