Scary Animals Occam's razor - FML

Occam's razor

Anonymous - 20/11/2013 01:09 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Tyler Smith - 03/11/2011 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

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Countdown has begun - 16/05/2019 12:58

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

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Anonymous - 24/10/2011 09:47 - United States

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

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poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

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Outfoxed - 07/08/2018 22:00

Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML

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ahhhhhhh - 30/07/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

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Gas-pingForAir - 19/09/2016 08:59 - United States - Columbia

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

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Alexa, play "Ghosts" by Japan

stuckathome - - United States

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

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Anonymous - 30/08/2015 00:06 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

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Cuteness overload

Cpm - - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

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Deezknutz 8

Wednesday 20 November 2013 7:13

How does a duck fly Into your living room?

HKCgrimmjow 15

Wednesday 20 November 2013 8:22

Paranormal quacktivity is a more likely explanation

111222333444555 5

Wednesday 20 November 2013 19:10

Wait... This has never happened to any of you before?

jess_wileyy 12

Wednesday 20 November 2013 20:55

is she a blonde?

gubi_fml 9

Wednesday 20 November 2013 21:46

Lol

gubi_fml 9

Wednesday 20 November 2013 21:52

Shut up

RedPillSucks 31

Wednesday 20 November 2013 22:53

duck: Is your apartment insured? Cause it would be a shame if something were to happen to it... OP: Don't give me none of your shit! duck: Oh yeah? *spraaaattt*

doodlebug33 20

Thursday 21 November 2013 4:24

Doesn't that just quack you up?

thief1434 23

Thursday 21 November 2013 5:07

I might be too late but... I would describe that as paranormal QUACKtivity

djsammyc 19

Thursday 21 November 2013 21:55

how the actual **** did a duck get in?the hell do you live?alabama!

jun00 15

Thursday 21 November 2013 21:57

Paranormal shitivity

lullaby_princess 8

Friday 22 November 2013 15:18

paranormal quacktivity...

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I walked up to a store’s automatic doors. They didn’t open. I waved my arms, stepped back and forward again, nothing. A staff member came over, tapped a button, and said, “It’s manual.” FML

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Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

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Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one calling me from down the hall. FML

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Today, I regret ever deciding to ask out a younger man. I’m 27 and he’s 21. I’m worried about my career, he’s worried about his Xbox; I love my parents, he’s still rebelling against his like an emo teenager; I want romance, he likes to wobble my breasts while giggling, saying, “Boobies.” FML

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Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML

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Today, my dad has officially started testing to find out if he is autistic. I'm happy for him defying the "too old" stigma; however, the problem is that I am autistic as well, and my dad can be a rather unpleasant person at times, so I'm afraid he'll give the disorder a bad name and make both of our lives worse. FML

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