Awkward Intimacy Not now - FML

Not now

Wife - 08/08/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

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Shantwozzlah - 26/03/2012 16:15 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

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Communication tool

Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

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sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

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mentallyscarred - 31/01/2011 09:34 - United States

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

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whatnot - 04/08/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year-old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

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fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

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someoneneedsassistance - 24/04/2015 15:07 - United States - Woodford

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

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Road rage gone feral

16590 - 15/06/2012 22:13 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML

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forever damaged - 21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

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Jacobt24 19

Monday 8 August 2011 8:52

He wanted you to head south if you know what I mean

jumpshot23 0

Monday 8 August 2011 8:51

He was pretending to drive a standard. Don't take his fun away.

cubancgar 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 2:06

Just give him a mouth hug

a6h311h0und 1

Tuesday 9 August 2011 2:11

did he hang it out the window nd wag his tail?

poweredbyparamor 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 3:00

#8 has a fine point

sorryforyou 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 3:25

He thought it was time to learn how to drive a stick

betteryouthanmeb 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 3:38

GPS

KatyB_fml 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 4:10

Why didn't you play along?!

NurseVamp 7

Tuesday 9 August 2011 5:46

road masturbation... what a weirdo

Hyman_Hunter 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 6:18

Shouldn't be driving with testis It's illegal illegal now you know

MrLoux 6

Tuesday 9 August 2011 7:02

He was driving stick!

imperialtl 12

Tuesday 9 August 2011 7:34

Why in the world was it hanging out in the first place? Unless he was hinting at something. In that case, you're not being a good wife for not realizing that.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

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Today, I had a job interview for an amazing opportunity. Too bad my nerves made me forget what the role was and where it was, mid-interview. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

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Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

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Today, my coworker called out for the sixth time in two weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had zero repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking five minutes in the bathroom. FML

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Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

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