Sex, Contraception Intimacy Missing

Missing

Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Good boy

Tucker - 18/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

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Rushed

Anonymous - 31/05/2012 20:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

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PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

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Why would you stick that there?

Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

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Pet detective

badluckdrew - 01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

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Protip

condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

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Busted by Detective Dog

ash - 04/01/2011 21:09 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

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a critically injured shitehawk - 25/04/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

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Awkward

Anonymous - 07/01/2012 06:30 - United States

Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML

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Prank war W

Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

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Everyday_Galaxy 14

Sunday 4 August 2013 13:14

Hopefully it was an unused chocolate condom.

patrickalamo 47

Sunday 4 August 2013 13:15

Good thing everyone likes chocolate.

HeartOfLead 24

Monday 5 August 2013 4:10

Choclate flavor, huh? Well, with my "texture" I don't artificial flavoring. But F your life nonetheless.

HeartOfLead 24

Monday 5 August 2013 4:11

I hope you didn't leave some "chocolate" on the couch as well.

homeless_turtle 5

Monday 5 August 2013 4:25

you should have thrown it away after use.. sicko

shadow2903 11

Monday 5 August 2013 4:27

Is it weird that this made me crave chocolate with nuts?

TheyCallMePB 9

Monday 5 August 2013 5:03

dammit! I need to be more careful where I throw those things.

Obey_StudBoii 23

Monday 5 August 2013 17:48

For your sake I hope it was unused.

stitesy29 18

Monday 5 August 2013 21:05

Wait, WHAT?

thegame414 5

Thursday 8 August 2013 15:29

run, run now

cho_bee 9

Saturday 17 August 2013 4:33

I hope he didn't use it on her.

bbiscool2 12

Monday 26 August 2013 22:21

Chocolate rain

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

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Today, I got a care package for graduation. Among the stuff inside was a toolbox; I never took shop classes or showed any interest in them because of severe disability. I also got a Snickers bar; I hate peanut butter. I even got a bunch of clothes hangers; I had more than enough as it was. FML

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Today, I was asked to crawl through a sunroof because one of my coworkers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sunroof. To laughter. FML

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Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

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Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

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Today, I fell over on the bus. X-Rays revealed not only that I have been growing extra bones in my foot, but that when I fell, I crushed all of them. Doctors don't know how to fix bones that aren't supposed to be there, so they're just going to cut them out. Two days before Christmas. FML

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