Miscellaneous Meth heads

Meth heads

Noname - 10/03/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methamphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year-old father. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

ahhahaha - 12/08/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year-old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

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nodad - 11/10/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

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At last!

thehumanshield - 05/08/2011 08:41 - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

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Sneaky

Anonymous - 15/06/2023 10:00

Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML

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Ironic

Anonymous - 20/03/2022 16:00

Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML

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Far out, man

shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

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Joe Lizen - 07/08/2012 01:40 - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

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Sneaky dad

say no to dick - 18/04/2014 22:56 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

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Raincheck

sadnj - 23/01/2017 15:30

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML

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420

The war on drugs

Anonymous - 29/09/2022 12:30

Today, my dad caught me vaping. From the volume of his yelling, you’d think he caught me sniffing cocaine out of a prostitute's ass crack. FML

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jennaleighhh 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:28

your dads retired at 58??

littlec_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:21

haha where'd you think he got your allowance money from?

brandnew 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:43

lmao!! best one by far! sorry tho.

dol567 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:46

That made me lol...

kittydidit 0

Friday 12 November 2010 15:00

Me too XD

mac_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:52

hopefully he bought you some nice stuff with the drug money at least

MissFae 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:57

Way to steal your FML from the news. If you read the article carefully though it says he was selling in a nearby city, and that he lived in a retirement complex. Not that he sold it TO the pop of the retirement complex. So unless you're talking about a different 58yo meth dealer with hollowed out canes....

attaboyyy11 11

Wednesday 10 June 2015 8:52

HAAA. GOTTI

jabbaundead 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:08

what a bamf! hahahaha, btw 14, cool your jets. whether fmls are real or not they're still worth reading and extremely entertaining.

14_thor 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:09

That happened in the dirty 5-30!

cubbiezgurl03 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:25

hahaha that's freaken cool. old people are so funny sometimes.

jdpwnsyou 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:29

They caught him ridin' dirty in the nursing home

silentducks 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:33

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML