OP, why did you agree to meet up with an ex and his wife? You should have known nothing good was going to come from it. It was likely a staged performance (ex on his best behavior) meant to make you regret not being with him... Let ex's rest in the past. There were reasons that the relationship failed and it's highly likely those reasons are probably still there because most people don't change their character very much.

Why are you digging up an abusive ex? The whole thing will be an act. Once an abuser, always an abuser, no matter how good a show they put on.

So, you got an insight in what you might have let go back then, at the same time as I think that as long as he was able to sort things out and get a good spouse, so are you, and things will probably work out jobwise and lovewise as long as you focus on what you want and don't stare yourself blind on what you're missing.