Sex, Farts Intimacy It's getting hot in here - FML

It's getting hot in here

cold-n-stinky - 12/01/2010 06:30 - United States

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said, "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Love is…

gassygirlfriend - - United States - Nampa

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

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The language of love

disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

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Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

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yoked - 18/12/2009 03:48 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

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Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

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hotboxed - 13/07/2019 18:30

Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML

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SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

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Love is…

Anonymous - 29/07/2012 04:25 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

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Filth

roughsexgonewrong - 05/11/2013 18:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

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steve-o - 14/02/2019 15:46 - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

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scheme 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 12:16

owned

Craig92EIRE 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 12:32

at least you're warm:)

Coltonbaby 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 15:39

DEFINITELY a keeper. :)

Fr0gg13 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:25

hahahaha!!! fart contest

Starfire22 5

Tuesday 12 January 2010 17:40

at least your marriage isn't borin...

perdix 29

Tuesday 12 January 2010 17:42

For using the term "spooning," you deserve her taking a dump in the bed. On your side.

audi00 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 18:43

ruins the moment for a lil bit. she prob wasnt in the mood

NeonWar__ 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 19:29

Lmao! how is that an fml. thats really funny! lol

britterss 0

Tuesday 12 January 2010 19:56

I think this is hilarious!!!!! def not an fml!!!!

DynamicDave 11

Tuesday 12 January 2010 19:58

BAHAHAHAHA!!! Your wife wins! Sorry but I think I'm in love with her.

DynamicDave 11

Tuesday 12 January 2010 19:59

Also, perdix ftw as usual!

snafu57 1

Tuesday 12 January 2010 20:30

I couldn't stop laughing. should have pulled the covers over her head.

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my 6-year-old nephew told me that he wanted to grow up already, so that he could smoke, drink and, "fuck like a rabbit." FML

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Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

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Today, I went to see my guidance counselor. I was supposed to hear from my college about a scholarship by October 3rd. I was worried since it was already the 2nd so I went to talk to her. She never turned in my nomination. Goodbye $80,000 scholarship. FML

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Today, I was doing my paper round. I got to the last house and thought I had done everything right. I checked my list of houses, and I had done every single one wrong. I went and got all the papers back and delivered them again. That was when I realised I did them right in the first place. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There's nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML

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Today, I decided that since my best friend of 25 years always finds a reason not to come when I invited her to see the house I bought 6 months ago, I would stop asking, and wait for her to make the first move. Did I say today? I meant 14 months ago. I'm still waiting. I guess we're not friends anymore. FML

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