Health, Sex Intimacy I have sex - FML

I have sex

Anonymous - 05/08/2013 17:58 - United States - Athens

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

57 553

16 308

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Oops, I Did It Again

Anonymous - 12/09/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

1 817

768

Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

34 213

2 380

ilovedirt - 10/07/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML

34 335

3 776

Isn't that, like, a crime?

Dan - 22/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, while swimming in a lake, I was feeling frisky so I dropped my swimsuit and went underwater and masturbated. After I came, I resurfaced and saw two girls giggling. With their goggles they'd seen the whole thing. FML

109

900

Life's a beach

Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

39 175

6 022

Anonymous - 18/05/2012 19:19 - United States - Paterson

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

33 469

3 574

No warning

Anonymous - 05/05/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend bought a bikini he wanted me to wear in our hot tub. Unfortunately, I ran out of swimsuits for my daily swim at the public pool, so I took the new bikini. Now I know why he wanted to be alone when I wore it, as water turns it see-through and melts the stitching so it falls off. FML

1 791

522

Flop

Flop era - 04/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I thought I'd impress my friends with a backflip into the pool. I ended up smacking my back on the edge of the diving board and belly-flopping into the water. Now I have a bruise and a story that everyone is intent on retelling. I'm just glad no one was filming me. I hope. FML

100

513

Hey guys!

iannie - 31/07/2011 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

29 404

39 546

This is fine

Anonymous - 09/06/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

26 679

10 392

wisericky 12

Monday 5 August 2013 22:36

You should have been like. "You should see the other guy"

roflstomp716 19

Monday 5 August 2013 22:38

guess you were cruisin' for a bruisin'..

Inked0803 12

Thursday 8 August 2013 6:51

Must've been one hell of a night

thereseg69 7

Friday 9 August 2013 6:00

NICE

BrokenZombie 3

Wednesday 14 August 2013 5:22

dang xD

Debrakay7 1

Friday 16 August 2013 11:45

Should tell your parents My boyfriend is a vampire

Laxoxo224 8

Saturday 17 August 2013 5:23

Rough sex is the way to go;)

reeneebabe 10

Saturday 24 August 2013 23:41

lol. that's funny(x

reeneebabe 10

Saturday 24 August 2013 23:43

lol. that's funny(x

schnips 10

Tuesday 10 September 2013 5:17

Story of my life right there. It's an awkward conversation trying to explain all the bruises on my upper thighs to my parents.

WingedLovely27 20

Wednesday 25 September 2013 5:58

Bahahaha...I know exactly what you mean!

radlad1156 1

Thursday 3 October 2013 20:53

Who wears bikini to the Lake

3
4
5
6
7

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

29 685

7 735

Today, my supervisor asked me to help him for some modifications on an Excel sheet. I helped him for some stuff, but couldn't help him completely. He said to me, " Try to learn more about Excel, I want someone to satisfy my needs." FML

1 609

217

Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML

62 086

8 835

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

33 359

11 884

Today, I spent almost two hours drawing a scenery. I was tired halfway in and took a break. Came back to my room to see it getting scribbled on. FML

980

128

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "What birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

18 396

31 247