Give Out But Don't Give Up

Anonymous - 10/03/2020 12:00

Today, my wife told me that I was a 5 on the scale of how well I flirted and romanced her, and that the guy before me was a 9. This was at the kitchen table in front of our kids. They thought it was hilarious, and told me I shouldn’t bother anymore. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

It's business time

anonymous - 17/03/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

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Nice try

GregIsGreg - 29/08/2025 12:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to flirt with the supermarket cashier by saying, “Guess I’m buying enough food for two!” She smiled politely and said, “That’s nice. Will your wife help you carry it?” I said, “What wife?” only to realize I’d just exposed myself as a lonely man buying family-sized frozen lasagna. FML

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You what now?

Anonymous - 30/08/2013 16:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

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Connect Four (GONE WRONG)

Anonymous - 28/09/2022 01:30

Today, I played Connect Four with a gay guy who was clearly hitting on me for an hour. When he asked why I didn’t want to go to his place, I told him that I’m straight and married. He asked why I played with him for so long, so I told him, “My wife sucks at Connect Four.” He called me a cocktease and left. FML

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Sabotage

Anonymous - 21/02/2024 17:00 - United States - Harlingen

Today, my girlfriend’s friend decided she wanted to tell her that I was flirting with other girls, just so we would break up. It worked. FML

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It is a bit weird

huh? - 28/09/2020 05:02 - United States

Today, my wife called me a pervert and a degenerate for lusting after a teenage girl. I’d found some old pictures from high school and remarked about how sexy she’s always been. It was her I was talking about. I said she’d always been attractive, but liking her as a teen is now weird I guess. FML

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Countdown

Anonymous - 30/04/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom - Normanton

Today, my wife was screaming at our son over his maths homework, so I poked my nose in to help calm them down. My wife was not happy when I pointed out that most of her calculations and answers were wrong, whereas our son got most of his right. I’m now in the doghouse because my wife can’t count. FML

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Cooked

Lonely - 07/09/2025 20:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, desperate for some affection from my cold, frigid wife, I lied and said we had an attractive new girl joining our department. Without looking up, she said, "You guys can fuck, I don't care, just be discreet." Stick a fork in this marriage, it's done. FML

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Do you who I am?

Badder.Sadder.Cooler - 11/06/2023 12:00

Today, my wife’s single friend got drunk at my Master’s graduation party and went a long-winded rant about what a good partner I am. I’d be flattered if the fusing of praise of me with single person problems didn’t come off sounding like a jilted lover. We’d only met twice pre-party. FML

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Anonymous - 30/10/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I went to a social event with a very attractive male co-worker. Things were going awesome, we were flirting and really hitting it off. Then his 'wife' called. FML

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Fickle 6

Tuesday 10 March 2020 13:06

So what, she’s “your” wife not the other guys. Look at the positive.

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

Tuesday 10 March 2020 12:22

well she isn't cheating on you so pick up a romance novrl casano-va

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

Tuesday 10 March 2020 12:22

well she isn't cheating on you so pick up a romance novrl casano-va

TCRII 29

Tuesday 10 March 2020 12:44

I think her next love letter should be written by your divorce attorney. If you stay with her, this guy should be permanently banned from your house and your wife’s life.

Fickle 6

Tuesday 10 March 2020 13:06

So what, she’s “your” wife not the other guys. Look at the positive.

Amanda Howard 9

Tuesday 10 March 2020 13:49

well his wife is allowing it so I see the fml

kfchicken 31

Wednesday 11 March 2020 12:33

so you're telling me if the love of you life hit you with the worst burn of 2020 infront of your kids THEN your whole family laughed at you, you wouldn't feel hurt?

julfunky 29

Thursday 12 March 2020 3:39

His wife was allowing what exactly? A guy she was with BEFORE her husband to flirt with her? Or allowing her kids to laugh?

demix_fml 32

Tuesday 10 March 2020 20:02

Step up your game .

fjvitt 14

Tuesday 10 March 2020 23:02

Yeah...but wait til she starts on about his d*ck size...

distortedcognition 17

Wednesday 11 March 2020 0:16

She chose you for you and not your bullshit. Relax, you’re golden

Iamthebanzai22 21

Wednesday 11 March 2020 1:26

I'm great at flirting, unless I really like the girl. then I suck, Don't worry about it, she saw the man inside you and decided to give you her whole future. I think a guy who still tries to flirt with his wife is the coolest thing ever. Probably so does she.

juggalo2 21

Wednesday 11 March 2020 2:47

You should have told your kids that she didn't choose you for your romance, she chose you because you're a stallion in the sack. That would have shut 'em all up.