Alcohol, Drunk Kids Future Darwin Award - FML

Future Darwin Award

don'tdrinkthat - - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

44 627

4 923

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

35 570

6 208

StockedWithJuice - 06/07/2013 15:14 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

49 821

5 339

Anonymous - 15/09/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

39 522

6 589

wah wah "you raised him" - 22/04/2014 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

41 815

5 271

Smells like…

BobsBabe2 - - United States

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

33 620

2 936

Failed Parent - 11/10/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

27 955

4 647

Chemistry

Anonymous - 31/03/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

32 929

4 590

Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

38 780

6 032

diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

43 062

6 253

Dumbass

Anonymous - 31/08/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, my son tried my year great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML

551

126

josh7279 7

Monday 4 November 2013 8:24

Wow your son is that desperate?

Mike09220 14

Monday 4 November 2013 8:30

Natural selection.

JMichael 25

Monday 4 November 2013 12:21

Umm..is he retarded?

Goblin182 26

Monday 4 November 2013 13:17

Desperate or stupid?

xxxkassixxx 8

Monday 4 November 2013 13:49

That is the new thing. Lol xD 21st century kid problems

hobojo69 23

Monday 4 November 2013 15:27

Like why would he even do that to be cool, I mean he wouldn't look cool when he tells everyone he got drunk off aftershave he would look like an idiot!

mythicaltimes 15

Monday 4 November 2013 15:59

he'd only try that once

BobbieH 19

Monday 4 November 2013 16:42

You should treat this seriously. This could be simply an episode of stupid experimentation, however it can indicate a much more serious issue. If your son is already sneaking alternative means to get drunk, he probably has issues with alcohol. You should be aware of possible drug use as well.

8born8 18

Monday 4 November 2013 19:15

Why?!?! Just.... WHY?!?!???

anchorsaweigh003 13

Monday 4 November 2013 20:10

parenting: you're doing it right!

buckdharma 37

Monday 4 November 2013 21:49

You must disinKlein him or he will surely deKlein!

esigmond 2

Monday 4 November 2013 22:08

It's your own damn fault for raising a stupid ass son

1
2
3
4
5
6

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my son actually tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he was “an agent” and unless they let him go, his employers “from the government” would come looking for him and there would be “consequences”. The officers eventually got their breath back from laughing at him. FML

1 079

200

Today, I found out that I have Dysarthria, a condition where you can't pronounce certain words. I can't even pronounce the condition. FML

833

69

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

2 396

208

Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

31 715

3 081

Today, my boyfriend of three years who I helped through drug rehab and find employment in my office left me for someone else. His explanation was that now that his "head is not clouded with chemicals" and he "makes decent money", he wants to settle down with someone worthy of him. FML

41 035

3 984

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so I tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

21 264

123 094