FML's guide to a stress-free St Patrick's Day Louis - 17/03/2017 18:15 - France - Paris Savour the flavor of the day, but be careful out there! 724 196
Today, my mom finally got a Netflix account after months of me begging. When I asked her what the login was, she refused to give it to me. She said, "Netflix will know it's not me and then they'll cancel our account." FML 35 481 3 334
Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML 13 628 1 176
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML 27 692 8 854
Today, I made the discovery that I'm in a true love triangle; both of my girlfriends are dating one another. FML 16 704 69 547
Today, I found tiny little maggots in the bristles of my toothbrush. I have no idea how long they've been there. FML 45 742 8 818
Today, my place of work was robbed. When expressing worry that the thieves would return, the cops told us, and I quote, "If they come back and attack you, just give us a call back." Fucking stellar, thanks. FML 432 94