Don't try this at home

Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 08:01

Today, I found out what it feels like to put in a contact while drunk. My eye still hurts. FML

278

839

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

anon - 20/06/2014 05:06 - United States - Kennett

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

45 359

24 753

notonthepavement - 15/02/2016 11:04 - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

22 755

1 675

Down the hatch

Anonymous - 05/11/2024 15:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I woke up with a hangover and a pounding headache and tried to take an ibuprofen with a glass of water. I missed my mouth and threw the pill directly into my eye. FML

137

500

Sketchy

Anonymous - - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

31 315

3 470

How? Why?

WetMorning - 05/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML

419

691

Classic move

Anonymous - 25/01/2025 09:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

142

538

Anonymous - 04/05/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

38 211

8 975

redeye - 19/09/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

40 704

2 468

Blow it

Anonymous - 22/10/2021 01:59

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

339

739

KBO - 08/06/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

33 078

43 465

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 7 November 2020 9:31

This gives you an opportunity to wear a cool eyepatch. You can look like a sexy pirate instead of a clumsy drunk.

power_in_the_now 19

Thursday 12 November 2020 21:18

This here might be one of the many reasons that your roommate is asking you to get help for addiction

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 7 November 2020 9:31

This gives you an opportunity to wear a cool eyepatch. You can look like a sexy pirate instead of a clumsy drunk.

power_in_the_now 19

Thursday 12 November 2020 21:18

This here might be one of the many reasons that your roommate is asking you to get help for addiction

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I discovered that my ex is still my emergency contact at work. I found this out when I fainted and my work called her. She told them to "pull the plug". FML

4 202

826

Today, I’m down to my last, partially snapped cigarette. I carefully taped it back together, enough for at least half a smoke. I then snapped it completely while opening the door to go outside and smoke it. FML

320

1 234

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

39 372

4 210

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

48 473

6 012

Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML

977

256

Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML

33 840

4 168