Love, Health, Mental health Poopoo peepee Delusional

Delusional

Anonymous - 02/08/2012 00:56 - United Kingdom - March

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

26 206

3 304

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 13/12/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

32 415

3 963

poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

53 899

5 667

Leenotgay - 25/09/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML

35 395

3 664

Wow thanks, I'm cured

anon - 13/06/2023 03:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML

900

303

Countdown has begun - 16/05/2019 12:58

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

2 028

232

Gross and weird

Porkchop - 14/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML

1 646

117

Homeschooling claims another victim

Anonymous - 27/07/2022 00:00 - United States - Liverpool

Today, I, a 33 year-old guy, had to explain to my 27 year-old girlfriend that she does NOT pee out of her vaginal opening, but does in fact have a separate hole she pees from. She didn’t believe me. After showing her a diagram of the female anatomy online, she said, “Yeah well I don’t have one of those.” FML

1 081

134

Strange flex, but OK

Jpah - 24/06/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

49 940

3 920

justine - 11/08/2019 02:00

Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML

1 372

620

Overdoing it

Zill - 17/11/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML

1 314

136

kimmi41509 10

Thursday 2 August 2012 9:53

What a moron. I know girls who fart, burp, and shit more than a man.

Yellow_Fish79 11

Thursday 2 August 2012 9:54

She's going to really hate motherhood someday.

kevinsagirl2323 8

Saturday 7 October 2017 20:32

she's a complete idiot. you can do better.

lucasj23 11

Tuesday 3 April 2018 16:50

she's a moron. why are you with her?

J15237 25

Thursday 9 January 2020 19:11

Um why is this an FML? Your girl hot? Does she make you happy? If you answered yes to those questions then let it go and enjoy your relationship.

peterblack67 9

Monday 22 February 2021 20:54

I would run if I were you. She sounds like a nut.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

64 521

7 498

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

31 666

3 503

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

52 932

8 805

Today, my wife is visiting her nana, which I hate because she comes home full of Catholic guilt, meaning I'll have to spend the next few months wasting my Sunday mornings in church, until her guilt wears off and her normal Sunday morning laziness resumes. FML

973

299

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said, "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

36 002

5 479

Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML

2 796

3 801