Sex, Cute Intimacy Cute but annoying - FML

Cute but annoying

Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

KayleeXLoVe21 - 03/11/2011 23:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

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TMI

SoggyPancakes - 11/03/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

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Anonymous - 02/08/2019 02:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML

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Vibe check

Hopelesslover - 04/08/2009 21:03 - Malta

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML

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Honky

Anonymous - - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

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Anonymous - 15/09/2017 06:00

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

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Revealing

kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

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StretchNuts - 11/03/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

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Don't you want me baby?

Ugh - 05/12/2024 21:00 - Romania

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

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Coming!

Anonymous - 28/04/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML

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flirtyfaery 7

Friday 17 December 2010 22:31

at least she has a sense of humour

Doortje 29

Friday 17 December 2010 22:37

This is the story you'll later tell your grandchildr-- wait, you have to actually have sex in order to ever have grandchildren.

salsa99 6

Wednesday 2 October 2013 20:41

I havent stopped laughing

deceivedandlied 19

Tuesday 5 November 2013 8:26

Is it bad that I actually want too buy a clapper now?

blondie147 10

Monday 27 January 2014 19:54

How is that romantic?

jamescrazy96 17

Thursday 7 August 2014 2:06

This, this just made my day!!!

kittykat1501 31

Thursday 4 June 2015 6:01

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

prettygurl89 16

Saturday 29 August 2015 8:55

This is actually really funny :-D

GAeroNKissR 26

Wednesday 9 September 2015 8:12

LMAO!! Honestly, I would die laughing too!!

GAeroNKissR 26

Wednesday 9 September 2015 8:15

...I thought that strobe seamed a little slow...

uchihastephy88 25

Tuesday 1 December 2015 10:49

Lol I've always wondered if this would happen.. This is definitely one of my favorite FMLs :)

WillMM76 12

Monday 13 June 2016 6:51

That's awesome!

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

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Today, my mother sat me down to tell me that since coming home from college, I sounded like "a liberated woman." She was disappointed and disturbed by this, and said that I should stop having strong opinions and ideals because it would make finding a husband for me difficult. FML

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Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

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Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

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Today, I competed in a national championship for the sport that I play, and none of my family came to watch and support me. My wife, kids, parents, brothers and sisters - none of them. It was the only opportunity to see me compete, as I'm getting too old and have to stop now. Thanks for nothing, family. FML

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Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

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