Health Close encounters - FML

Close encounters

blarp - 17/10/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

hardee fucking har yourself, sir - 07/08/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

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itwaswarm - 25/09/2015 21:04 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

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Stranger danger

Anonymous - 20/11/2014 16:35 - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying, "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

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toosmall - 31/01/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

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ThoroughlyCreepedOut - 07/03/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

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Pissed

TJ. - - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

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SadDad - 06/03/2009 01:51 - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

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Anonymous - 26/09/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

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Way too public

stewiesclone - 11/02/2010 09:09 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

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yepintheladiesroom - 07/06/2014 21:37 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

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Tyger44 1

Monday 17 October 2011 11:59

"no,sir i think not.ER now"

Ikushka 3

Monday 17 October 2011 12:03

No man and you aren't supposed to be asking me either

PantyMarket 4

Monday 17 October 2011 15:58

Did u put it in your mouth?

Epikouros 31

Monday 17 October 2011 16:07

**** his life!

skylaryoungblood 2

Monday 17 October 2011 16:20

no. Its not...

weesnaw_08 7

Monday 17 October 2011 16:39

He has no shame.

LostSaiyan 3

Monday 17 October 2011 16:51

Hold on let me check............nope !

mic203 2

Monday 17 October 2011 16:53

should have jst said to hm "nah sir,U r what we call a goner."

skyeyez9 24

Monday 17 October 2011 16:54

Oh shit! I wonder what disease made it look like that?

kayakingkitten 5

Monday 17 October 2011 16:54

If you're asking someone if you need to go to a doctor, you already know the answer.

FarSide 22

Monday 17 October 2011 18:50

"No, its much to short to please anyone. Have you considered trying a penis pump?"

Calyx_fml 21

Monday 17 October 2011 19:13

It's a snake bite. You have to suck the poison out!

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got my first big promotion at work. Excited, I shared the news with my parents. My mom responded with, "That’s nice, dear, but your sister just got engaged," and hung up to go back to celebrating with her. FML

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Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML

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Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

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Today, my fiancée a year left me, a week after she told me she’s still talking to her ex. Her excuse for not telling me about this? Because, “You’ll make it a big deal out of it.” FML

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Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML

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Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

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