Intimacy Choose wisely

Choose wisely

limegreenpoopie - - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 14/09/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

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anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

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HK - 16/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

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wtfuraretard - 19/02/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

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It's a witch!

umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

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Anonymous - 07/06/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

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Today - 07/09/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

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Sarah - 17/12/2012 12:25 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

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lillymean - 03/02/2012 01:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

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GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

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Tripartita 44

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07

You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…

WCARlover 34

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12

He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two

extrasnipes 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:02

Sounds like a very magical moment

Tripartita 44

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07

You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…

WCARlover 34

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12

He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two

9473820484 17

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:18

He want to make ******** a magical experience.

ragnarok1540 39

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:30

The cards are obviously just a distraction ... the real trick was turning your poop lime green!

claudiajean 24

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:34

Bit of a crap hobby to pursue. I hate myself too dw

creditless 14

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:42

deuces wild? I'm sorry, that was awful... I'll let myself out

wanted_2_want 40

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:14

If only there was an ACEhole card!!!

thatweirdasian 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 5:38

You're trying a bit too hard there, buddy.

captain_hero89 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:16

did he get your card right?

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:25

What a joker....

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was texting a friend about how my date last night went, which gave me a goofy idea: I thought it would be cute to pretend that I'd made a mistake and send my response to my date, just so he'd know how I felt it went. I should've proofread, because instead of “It went well, he was really sweet!”, I sent him “It went well, he was really sweaty!” FML

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Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

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Today, I called my fiancé just to tell him how much I love him, as a sweet gesture. He yelled at me for interrupting his video game and blamed my "neediness" on the fact that I'm menstruating. FML

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Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML

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Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mom stared at me throughout dinner before finally blurting out, "I'm sorry, I can't get past the fact that you look just like his ex!" It turns out I do. FML

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Today, I got real life Mean Girled at school. The class was discussing former jobs and I mentioned that I used to be a stripper before enrolling in nursing school. No one has talked to me since, and I haven’t felt this excluded since I was the weird kid in middle school. FML

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