Health Caught short

Caught short

Anonymous - 13/11/2014 18:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Bathroom breakdown

heyhijello - 09/09/2013 22:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

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Can't hold it in anymore

Anonymous - 28/05/2022 04:00 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML

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When nature calls

Andrew Williams - 11/12/2020 14:01

Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML

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Quick Stop

poopy pants - 08/04/2013 01:47 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

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KieRendan - 25/05/2012 19:59 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML

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Sitcom vibes

Anonymous - 16/11/2013 19:31 - France - Paris

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

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Gushing

Anonymous - 11/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML

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DonPedro - 16/01/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML

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Cringe

mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

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Thank you for your service

Paulalala - 11/09/2024 20:00 - United States - Helena

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop asked if I had a reason for going so fast. I panicked and said, “I have to poop.” He followed me home with lights on, just to make sure I made it. FML.

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hard_candy 25

Thursday 13 November 2014 22:10

you could have just stopped at a store or fast food joint.

supernerd95 17

Thursday 13 November 2014 22:12

i don't know man. ... that was some serious shit

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Friday 14 November 2014 13:20

That must've been a shitty experience.

mattrd_fml 31

Friday 14 November 2014 13:53

hope you had some leaves back there to wipe with.

kaytasha 18

Friday 14 November 2014 14:57

At least you did not poop in your pants!!

lifeindafastlane 1

Friday 14 November 2014 15:53

I would of crapped any ways it's not my fault he has a SHITTY JOB

wvcheesehead 13

Friday 14 November 2014 17:05

poor groot

Omniprism 14

Friday 14 November 2014 17:17

Be thankful you had a back yard and a tree.

thes7274473 19

Saturday 15 November 2014 3:41

Be glad you don't live in an apartment.

BvbArmy_0 18

Saturday 15 November 2014 5:47

You didn't take a shit on the way why?

ndaguanno 17

Saturday 15 November 2014 13:47

At least that's better than having a cop catch you speeding and giving you a ticket

lolalove24_fml 14

Sunday 25 January 2015 7:39

great fertiliser

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

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Today, I’ve been depressed and lonely for almost half my life now, and no longer have any friends or family. I realised I often started hallucinating, most of it making me able to see my childhood and me playing when we were kids. This is getting too painful to bear. FML

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Today, after days of nasal congestion, I stifled a sneeze. It went out my nose, blowing out a massive spray of green gunk, streaked with blood. This happened at a meeting, splattering the table in front of me with green bloody mucus. The other attendees looked horrified and one ran to vomit. FML

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Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

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Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, and the woman he cheated on me with. FML

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Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

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