Intimacy, Sex, Lazy Wanker Can't be bothered

Can't be bothered

Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

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RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

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Naps are important

bigdikbubls - 01/12/2020 05:58 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

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Love Story

Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

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elovan - 25/07/2015 08:33 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

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hannieannie - 09/02/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

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Anonymous - 31/05/2011 11:21

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

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Bang one out

exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

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Let's get it on

Frank - 17/08/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

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Anonymous - 20/09/2011 10:39 - Australia

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

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forgetable 9

Saturday 6 July 2019 0:33

I’ve been there.

Kristoffer 35

Saturday 6 July 2019 7:13

I've fallen asleep during the act... not only one time.

forgetable 9

Saturday 6 July 2019 0:33

I’ve been there.

EmDizzle2007 28

Saturday 6 July 2019 1:09

I got you next time.

BurnInDemonFire 35

Saturday 6 July 2019 3:14

Bite my lip, and close my eyes, take me away to paradise...

Kristoffer 35

Saturday 6 July 2019 7:13

I've fallen asleep during the act... not only one time.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 6 July 2019 13:15

That’s probably what a lot of guys feel about you.

Selene1090 26

Sunday 7 July 2019 4:26

Same here lmao

Cheryl Castilleja 4

Monday 8 July 2019 4:35

You should’ve just told yourself “not tonight, babe”, and rolled over.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

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Today, I watched my future son-in-law try and fail to parallel park 8 times before he gave up and started crying. That’s the 4th time he’s cried this weekend. I’m trying so hard to understand why my daughter loves him. He’s an unemployed little crybaby, with a man bun. FML

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Today, I told my guy friend to not put pictures of me on his story when we hang out, to which he replied, “You rejected me, but you continue to ask about my friends. For some reason you refuse to help me out with yours. At least some other girl I know will think I’m a catch for hanging with you.” FML

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Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

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Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

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Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

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