Animals, Sex, Camping Intimacy Camping out

Camping out

Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Tori Pearson - 27/06/2011 04:21 - Canada

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

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Outdoorsy

Anonymous - 22/03/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

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Not so cute

Anonymous - 01/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML

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Lucky escape

Anonymous - 27/11/2025 12:00

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML

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and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

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Darwin smiled

Ihateracoons - 06/09/2022 06:30

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

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Wildlife

Anonymous - 13/07/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at a campsite, got everything set up, and went for a shower. However, when I got back, a drunken rhino of a woman had crawled into my tent, been sick, then passed out on my freshly-washed bedding. She was so fat I couldn’t even roll her. I had to sleep in my car. FML

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"baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

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Surprise, MFer!

Anonymous - 04/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML

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Nice place

Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

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Trebek 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 9:27

A raccoon interrupted you getting beaver, eh?

CryingHowls 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 9:26

GO RACCOON!

dreamsmean 3

Tuesday 9 June 2009 17:01

ahaa amazing

I_Am_The_Edge 4

Tuesday 9 June 2009 17:54

I just like the way you put the last line. "I got cockblocked by a racoon" lmfao

farquat5678 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 18:03

how the **** did a raccoon rip through a ******* polyester tent?

bryans_fresh 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 18:07

I think this is fake.

PyroMicky 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 18:30

That is what hunting was invented for in the first place. Some neanderthal got cockblocked by a woolly mammoth so he picked up a big stick and went out to kill the ******.

Psodium 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 18:36

ROFL!!! It could have been worse. Like, you know, Jason Vorhees with a machete. More than scared you should be surprised it was a raccoon.

PyroMicky 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 18:37

Say, did the raccoon at least stick around to... ya know, finish the job? and #48, you're saying you'd never have sex with anyone you're not in love with and you're telling HIM to get off his high horse? Can you even see the ground from the height of your saddle?

Fahad_fml 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 19:14

hahahah he got cockblocked by a raccoon. lmfao. i cant stop laughing. and #57 just cause #47 is saying they wouldnt have sex with someone they arent in love with doesnt mean that theyre on the high horse.