Relationships, Sex, Covid, Food Coronavirus Breakfast innuendo

Breakfast innuendo

Anonymous - 30/03/2021 15:30 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I went to get a banana for breakfast and said to my mom, with whom I currently live at age 32 because of Covid, that I don't normally eat bananas, but it looked good. She looked at me and said, "You clearly need to get yourself a man." She's right, but jeez! Thanks mom. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Cool trick, mom

fuck florida - 16/05/2014 19:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

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SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

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aelia_oups - 31/12/2012 22:09 - France - Taverny

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

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Delusional

fmlifetime - 24/10/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML

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shrek - 29/08/2016 10:26 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

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Why so serious?

DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

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Operation Yewtree here I come - 26/09/2014 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

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Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

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mynameislor - 09/02/2010 14:26 - Canada

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

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Classic Mom moment

me - 28/06/2013 15:51 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

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Spoopy Flame III 8

Wednesday 31 March 2021 15:16

I'm assuming some money issues

peterblackmer91 12

Wednesday 31 March 2021 6:39

Why does covid make you have to live with your mom?

peterblackmer91 12

Wednesday 31 March 2021 6:39

Why does covid make you have to live with your mom?

Spoopy Flame III 8

Wednesday 31 March 2021 15:16

I'm assuming some money issues

gidonene 7

Thursday 1 April 2021 11:26

top 10 questions science can't answer

Yudith 25

Thursday 1 April 2021 13:00

Some Imam said that women shall not eat bananas, cucumber or other elongated food unless a male chops then into small pieces. Take your life in your own hands and chop your banana yourself in front of your mother! That should do it.