Boom!

Elizabeth Ann - 12/07/2020 08:01

Today, I was laying with my cat when someone set off a firework next to my window. Now I have stitches and a bed covered in blood. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Two holes

Anonymous - 23/02/2024 03:00 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, my cat woke me up at 12 AM. After I told her to chill, I realized the mattress needed some air. Inflating it didn't work so I looked for the puncture wound. While trying to find a hot glue stick to patch it with, I got a thin shard of glass in my foot, which broke while I tried to get it out. FML

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WhoNose - 06/11/2016 23:52

Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML

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Surprise!

BadKitty - 11/09/2016 13:37 - Australia - Invermay

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

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Phones are bad for you

Katie - 14/05/2024 13:00 - United States - Basehor

Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML

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Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

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Nutfirecracker

Akashi - 22/07/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

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Toot toot

I…… - 10/08/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML

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grosssss - 01/01/2010 13:03 - Australia

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

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Revenge will be sweet

Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

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Thrashed

Ringo McDingo - - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

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Jaymail 18

Sunday 12 July 2020 8:18

That’s one amongst many reasons why I’ve never had a cat.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Monday 20 July 2020 5:12

Me-OW!!!

Jaymail 18

Sunday 12 July 2020 8:18

That’s one amongst many reasons why I’ve never had a cat.

bloopaloop 27

Sunday 12 July 2020 14:37

When you say “laying with your cat” do you mean, like, biblically speaking?

diraven 15

Monday 13 July 2020 23:31

Don't let your cat play with fireworks

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Monday 20 July 2020 5:12

Me-OW!!!

k4tn3t0 3

Sunday 9 August 2020 1:34

ouw!!! I hope you're okay!

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

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Today, aside from clearing out my bank accounts and having an affair, the kicker was finding out my fiancé planned on taking himself and his mistress to Cancun for his birthday, while I would be attending the Marine Corps boot camp. FML

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Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML

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Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

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Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

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Today, I finally told my crush that I like her. She said she could never date me, because apparently, "My best friend likes you." Her best friend is my step-sister. FML

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