Health Intimacy Big dong

Big dong

Anonymous - 03/12/2015 14:02

Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

rarara - 30/10/2012 21:26 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

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yayme. - 11/07/2013 22:26 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

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nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

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It's actually illegal in the UK

Anonymous - 10/08/2023 04:00

Today, I’ve suffered my whole life with a bunch of genetic conditions and I found out why at my dad's funeral. A bunch of relatives from America attended and one of them secretly told me my parents emigrated to England under a cloud of shame because they were brother and sister. I’m inbred. FML

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They **** you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do…

Anonymous - 09/02/2022 00:01

Today, I’m getting a very interesting demonstration of how genetics work: I have inherited all my dad’s health issues, plus those from my mom, plus a bunch of new ones that belong exclusively to me. FML

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Very mean spirited

Anonymous - 18/09/2022 23:00

Today, my dad's will included a DNA test he did on me when I was 3, proving I’m not his son. I thought we had a great relationship, but apparently he secretly hated me all these years for mom cheating, and decided to embarrass me in front of our family, half of whom it turns out I’m not related to. FML

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Knock first

jesus christ, dad - 06/09/2013 16:48 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

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Keeping it in the family!

Franklin - 01/02/2018 05:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, we got the results of our family's ancestry DNA tests. My father isn't related to me, but my grandfather is still my grandfather. Apparently grandma cheated on grandpa to get 'dad', and my mother cheated on 'dad' with my 'uncle' to get me. FML

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HeIsKindaRightTho - 16/09/2014 04:31 - United States - Houghton

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

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Anonymous - 27/12/2009 12:49 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

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smilevue 23

Thursday 3 December 2015 1:28

It's all in the technique. ;)

dman798 18

Thursday 3 December 2015 1:27

Be confident in yourself and how you are

Fiona Ashe 9

Monday 23 September 2019 2:31

I prefer smaller guys ;) you just need to a find a “small” girl 😁

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I fractured a bone in my knee. Now not only do I have to wear a huge knee brace for the next two months, I'll have to sit around in a hotel room all of next week while my family has fun skiing in the mountains. FML

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Today, my friend told me she had a stalker who had been emailing her. I laughed, and told her it was probably some fat, ugly virgin sat behind his computer all day. I then continued to describe and mock the stalker, only to realise that I was basically describing myself. FML

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Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

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Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my Frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

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Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML

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Today, I got another "secret admirer" letter from someone at work. I'm now talking to the police, yet again, because I'm a middle school teacher and suspect it was from one of my underage students. Nobody warned me about this when I became a teacher. FML

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