Embarrassing, Sextoys Animals Bad boy - FML

Bad boy

dogdays - 10/11/2014 01:12 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, as usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Freakout

nofunforme - 25/06/2019 12:00 - United States - Candler

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML

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Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

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Wankers

trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

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Devin - 21/06/2019 22:17

Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML

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What was I thinking?

Anonymous - 28/11/2023 10:00 - United States - Okemos

Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML

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Open your eyes

Anonymous - 01/10/2021 14:00

Today, I was taking some "me time" when my neighbor drove past and saw me. What I failed to realize was that my dog had pushed the shades open for my body to be right on display. FML

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Who's a good boy?

Anonymous - 08/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

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Naughty boy

Bad boy - 21/09/2023 06:00

Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML

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Bad doggo!

coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

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Dusty Springboard

Anonymous - 01/07/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

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DomiLove 26

Monday 10 November 2014 13:08

Stupid dog! You make me look bad! (Courage the Cowardly Dog reference x))

teapotrevolt 27

Monday 10 November 2014 13:04

That is so mortifying..... Pets do some crazy things, I'm sorry OP...

teapotrevolt 27

Monday 10 November 2014 13:04

That is so mortifying..... Pets do some crazy things, I'm sorry OP...

haliacc 17

Monday 10 November 2014 13:50

They will chew up anything they can get a hold of! Laugh it off though :)

hard_candy 25

Monday 10 November 2014 15:38

The dog was just sending out some good vibes!

teapotrevolt 27

Tuesday 11 November 2014 14:01

That vibes comment is hilarious. Lol

Virtual_BS 13

Friday 21 November 2014 4:40

#49: There's a button for that.

abusch 9

Monday 10 November 2014 13:06

Just pretend it's one of those vibrating toothbrushes.. for dogs. Yeah, I'm sure that will work.

DomiLove 26

Monday 10 November 2014 13:08

Stupid dog! You make me look bad! (Courage the Cowardly Dog reference x))

feven 32

Monday 10 November 2014 13:08

Lol I doubt anyone would care OP.

sweetnsourrr 11

Monday 10 November 2014 14:23

lol Some people would care, not that she has a vibrator, but because her dog was chewing on in front of the window...

FunGhoost 10

Monday 10 November 2014 13:14

Everyone has a secret, a vibrator is a secret everyone knows about. Just hide it better next time( I hope it won't happen again ?)

clumsylobster 17

Monday 10 November 2014 13:18

So do you still use it now?

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 10 November 2014 14:44

Ribbed for her pleasure

tony1891 22

Monday 10 November 2014 13:19

i bet the people who walked by your window got a bad vibe.

toxic_walrus 15

Monday 10 November 2014 13:20

I'm really enjoying imagining the job flipping out when the vibrator accidentally turns on.

SideOfTheAngels 23

Monday 10 November 2014 13:28

That must be so embarrassing! Hopefully your street isn't busy during the day...maybe hide things from him better from now on? FYL

Classy_Sassy_15 15

Monday 10 November 2014 13:34

looks like the both of you will need me toys

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was trying to impress a girl I like by showing off my guitar skills at a party. I'd hyped it up all night. When I finally started playing, I’d forgotten most of the chords and lyrics to the song, and ended up just strumming "Wonderwall" while humming off-key. She left halfway through the "performance." FML

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Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

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Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

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Today, it's been a week since I hired a 17 year-old guy to work at my store. Three of his friends decided to come in today and "prank" him by all three taking a shit in one toilet and clog it. The toilet overflowed. FML

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Today, my three idiot nephews dug up a vintage bomb while "digging a hole to China." I told them not to touch it, and went in to call the police. As I did so, they took it to a pawn shop to sell as an antique. The pawn shop called the cops on them, and the cops are now on to me as they're crying, saying selling it was my idea. FML

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Today, my girlfriend has been playing SZA’s "Kill Bill" on repeat all day. I’m starting to get genuinely scared. FML

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