Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 03:59

Unfortunately, I had extremely bad gas all weekend due to being lactose intolerant which carried into today. I thought I had enough time to sneak a fart out his morning before my wife and babysitter came into the kitchen, turns out I was wrong. I had to blame the dog FML......

agreeclassic 47

vote type 1 54

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 03:41

Today I found out my brother-in-law and my sister are engaged...she asked him now my sister will also be my sister in law FML

agreeclassic 71

vote type 1 13

By Whyjustwhy15 - 18/11/2019 00:12

Today, keep dreaming about my ex walking in the front door out of the blue calling my name or as if we’re still together...trying so hard to forget him but it’s hard & these dreams are not helping....???

agreeclassic 67

vote type 1 18

By complicated - 17/11/2019 23:22

Today, my girlfriend informed me that she’d be staying with her abusive asshole gf, but we could still sneak around. FML.

agreeclassic 66

vote type 1 13

By The Poop Caper - 17/11/2019 22:13

Today I had an important meeting at a very pricy and beautiful hotel. I got awful stomach cramps and went to the potty lets just say it was a demon inside of me and I released it. The smell was of a sewer tank with fermented shit left for weeks. When I went to flush the toilet was broken FML.

agreeclassic 64

vote type 1 6

By Anonymous - 16/11/2019 16:09 - United Kingdom

Today, two young girls came up and said their food was cold. I said to them to take seats and I'd bring it down. When I brought it down, they then said they wanted it plain. I then apologized again, only for one to say forget it. Later, as I was leaving, one came up and kicked me square in the balls. FML

agreeclassic 46

vote type 1 6

By Sophie Jenni Marie Brown - 16/11/2019 14:14

Today I gagged so much at the bin juice in our bin I threw up all over the floor.. my 2 year old daughter was disgusted at me.. FML

agreeclassic 52

vote type 1 8

By Disney doodoo - 16/11/2019 00:35

Today I’ve been binging Disney+ while eating saltines since I’ve had a bad case of the stomach flu. I laughed so hard at one scene in The Lion King that I simultaneously puked and shit my pants in the living room. Fml

agreeclassic 101

vote type 1 14

By Anonymous - 15/11/2019 03:49

Today, as my friend and I were standing on the line to get lunch, I was talking to him about a boy that I really like and I said his name and I even said that he has a big bum. Then, I notice one of the closest friends to the boy I mentioned was standing right in front of us and I think he heard... FML

agreeclassic 27

vote type 1 43

By "Alex Babcock" - 15/11/2019 02:03

Today I was told by my roommates that I need to socialize more and that I should start by spending time with them. I walked out into the common room to spend time with them and they were both on their phones. apparently online videos are more important than spending time with me. FML

agreeclassic 68

vote type 1 9

By Hazem Mostafa - 14/11/2019 14:16 - Egypt

Today, I remembered two years ago when I was playing football and fell over my leg and had a hip injury but I didn’t care about it at all. Now I am waiting to do my hip surgery. FML

agreeclassic 21

vote type 1 50

By "naas1201" - 14/11/2019 10:48

Today, my wife's punition was to eat front of me, without letting me eat. FML

agreeclassic 22

vote type 1 42

By peedpants - 14/11/2019 04:10

Today, while sleeping peacefully I heard a strange noise that woke me up. I looked around my room and saw nothing. It wasn’t until my water bottle flew across the room that I panicked. Turns out my roommate though it was funny to prank me .. I didn’t.. I peed myself. FML

agreeclassic 72

vote type 1 9

By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 16:02

Today, I realized I've been ghosted. Not because the guy lost interest but because he hooked up with someone else and he feels guilty. We haven't even gone on a first date yet. I mean WTF? FML

agreeclassic 57

vote type 1 7

By walterwhite16d - 13/11/2019 15:57

Today I woke up at the same time I always do to go to school. It had been snowing all night and around 23 degrees, I didn't realize school had been cancelled. My parents who knew school was cancelled drive me all the way to school and let me find out the hard way. I sat there and tried opening the doors for 30 minutes until a teacher came out from her teacher meeting and told me school was cancelled. FML

agreeclassic 72

vote type 1 13

By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 12:01

Today, I keep getting compared to one of my aunts that I don't want to be like. She is a woman who never stops talking all day and yelling to everyone. FML

agreeclassic 37

vote type 1 11

By Janine Parham - 13/11/2019 07:00

Today I’m a school bus driver. Because of a very bad accident on the main road I use, I had to drive 30 minutes out of my way, through unfamiliar backroads to pick up one of my students. They didn’t bother to tell us they weren’t going to school today. Gee, thanks. FML

agreeclassic 66

vote type 1 4

By a failing parent - 12/11/2019 22:35

Today, I walked into the kitchen to join my kids for breakfast, I had been up for hours doing the house work before going to work. My daughter asked me to turn the radio down. “Alex turn the radio down” I said. How lazy are my kids.! FML!!!

agreeclassic 40

vote type 1 19

By "momo.programmer" - 12/11/2019 20:35

I feel like hollow when I watch series when I come back from work, and I don't have anything else to do... I need to have a goal. but watching series is easier

agreeclassic 27

vote type 1 21

By Tiffany Pelekakis - 12/11/2019 11:35 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my best friend found out she’s pregnant after four weeks of trying. After we told her how we had been trying for a few months, she started trying to because she wanted to have a baby when we did. I recorded reactions as she video chatted her parents and mutual friends by just showing the positive test. I slowly died inside more as each person repeatedly asked if it was actually my test, and each thought we were tricking them when she said it was hers. FML

agreeclassic 76

vote type 1 6

By Anonymous - 12/11/2019 13:55

Today, my father forgot a turn on our way to school. We obviously have gone this path many times. Now I’m going to be late by one minute. It’s the first snow this year as well. FML

agreeclassic 37

vote type 1 8

By Anonymous - 12/11/2019 04:41

Today, I was my best guy friend sent me a text. I opened it and he said that he had to block me and not ever talk to me again just because his gf said she didn't feel comfortable with me being friends with him??. A) I've only met this girl twice and went out of my way to be nice to her to support my friend B) I literally joked around with my friend about how I friend zoned him before INFRONT OF HER and C) I'm talking to someone right now. Keep in mind I've been friends with this guy for a year and a half. He's only known this girl three weeks. three. weeks?. FML

agreeclassic 50

vote type 1 15

By NotofthisWorld - 12/11/2019 03:48

Today I did it I finally shit so hard I ripped my asshole. Don’t think you can’t do it I’m living proof. Let’s just say my toilet was a red mess and the size of the shit was enormous! On the bright side though my constipation is gone bad side toilet is broke at a busy mall FML.

agreeclassic 48

vote type 1 7

By Notofthisworld - 12/11/2019 03:45

Today while getting a haircut I was in a good conversation with the lady cutting my hair. My stomach started to act up she walked away to tend to another women I figured I’d have a moment to release this beast and just as I shift my body she came back into the gas cloud. FML

agreeclassic 37

vote type 1 16

By Anonymous - 12/11/2019 03:04

Today my girlfriend and I realized that we are cousins by marriage so if we were to have kids one day her step mom would be my cousin and my kids grandma FML.

agreeclassic 37

vote type 1 8

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 23:44

Today I was leaving the park and watching 2 couples play tennis. They had a really good rally going so I wasn't paying attention and walked right into a metal pole. It was so loud they stopped playing mid-point. FML

agreeclassic 36

vote type 1 9

By anonurmom - 11/11/2019 22:46

Today, my dick set of a sensor at the airport and I had to be searched, fml

agreeclassic 33

vote type 1 9

By lizmarie - 11/11/2019 18:39

Today, my Tinder date left as soon as he heard me speak. He said my voice sounds like a ten-year-old boy. This is also the reason my last three Tinder dates left. FML

agreeclassic 65

vote type 1 10

By mewtwonow - 11/11/2019 17:43

Today, at work, a customer wants to use his military discount but he has no proof of ID. He starts yelling at me if I gone to war at all and to keep the discount. He leaves angry and I’m like it’s store policy no matter what, for the camera. FML

agreeclassic 29

vote type 1 2

By "Tim van der Craats" - 11/11/2019 13:43

Today, my manager told me to wipe an computer as it was not used anymore, to bad the CEO did not apreciate al his personal photo's were deleted in the process, FML

agreeclassic 54

vote type 1 4

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Martial arts instructors have feelings too!

agreeclassic 450

vote type 1 154

Today, I got to hear from my coworkers that my marriage to my partner won’t last long because I found and married him in tech school. FML

agreeclassic 792

vote type 1 107

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

agreeclassic 25 835

vote type 1 3 920

Today, I was telling my co-workers about how I'd gotten tickets to a concert in a few days. My boss overheard. Later, he told me I now have to work on the night of the concert. However, he was kind enough to offer to buy the tickets off me for half of what I'd paid for them. FML

agreeclassic 29 623

vote type 1 2 611

Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML

agreeclassic 930

vote type 1 396

Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML

agreeclassic 3 527

vote type 1 403