Miscellaneous

By JDBigDawg - 02/07/2012 07:23 - United States - Orange

Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly man carry his golf clubs. Apparently, I sounded sarcastic and condescending, because he started screaming at me about etiquette and manners in front of the entire airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 143

You deserved it 2 381

JDBigDawg tells us more.

JDBigDawg 0

Tuesday 3 July 2012 7:49

THAT WAS THE AIRPORT. Wow nice guess!

By FuckYou - 02/07/2012 06:07 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 653

You deserved it 54 087

Backhanded

By Anonymous - 02/07/2012 05:47 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 515

You deserved it 3 178

By Misky - 02/07/2012 02:51

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 601

You deserved it 28 485

By plzdontclapme - 01/07/2012 23:03

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 647

You deserved it 2 304

Dating apps suck

By probablydeadbymidnight - 01/07/2012 22:57 - United States

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 412

You deserved it 7 818

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 17:09 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the store. Because we have no car, we had to walk four miles in the 115 fahrenheit weather. It didn't click until we were standing outside the door with a metric shit-tonne of ice-cream, that we'd have to tear ass back home to keep it all from melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 270

You deserved it 30 243

By rs - 30/06/2012 18:36 - Egypt

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 539

You deserved it 25 403

By babyeaternomnom - 30/06/2012 16:22 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 912

You deserved it 2 332

DIY FML

By Anonymous - 29/06/2012 22:46 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was trying to put some new curtains up. I couldn't make sense of the instructions, so I decided to wing it. I spent a frustrating half hour fighting with it, and just seconds after I succeeded, the curtain rod gave way and slammed straight onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 963

You deserved it 18 515

Just Caturday things

By JJBones - 29/06/2012 10:03 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn't have time to text me back, but he does have time to post an entire Facebook album dedicated to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 105

You deserved it 4 776

By Bernadette - 28/06/2012 19:58

Today, I was entering a guy's number into my phone, and I couldn't remember his name. Embarrassed, I tried to be sneaky and asked, "Can you spell your name for me, please?" His name is Bob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 172

You deserved it 30 640

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 933

You deserved it 4 592

By Anonymous - 28/06/2012 12:08 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 161

You deserved it 2 809

By Anonymous - 27/06/2012 20:01

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 377

You deserved it 2 930

By deli Shoppe - 27/06/2012 04:39 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 384

You deserved it 38 689

By eviltwigster - 26/06/2012 16:16 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I shaved my legs. I received endless compliments about how great they looked, and how jealous all the girls were. I'm a guy who shaved them for a themed party, for which I dressed up as a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 895

You deserved it 10 055

eviltwigster tells us more.

eviltwigster 7

Wednesday 27 June 2012 17:19

It would be all good, but I row, so i am supposed to build up leg muscle :/

By EdgardoP - 26/06/2012 15:08 - United States - Allentown

Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 334

You deserved it 3 539

The bird's the word

By anonymous - 26/06/2012 06:05 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 111

You deserved it 6 069

From beyond

By hearingthings - 26/06/2012 02:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 252

You deserved it 6 531

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 15:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 803

You deserved it 2 964

By Wwiimaniac - 25/06/2012 14:05 - United States - Dallas

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 259

You deserved it 5 519

By A.W - 24/06/2012 13:57 - United States

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 056

You deserved it 2 258

By Anonymous - 24/06/2012 11:38 - Italy

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 950

You deserved it 7 523

By Melinie - 24/06/2012 03:23 - United States

Today, I found an empty parking space in a crowded parking lot. When I came back later, a lady and a cop were standing by my car. Her car used to be parked there and got stolen. They think I'm involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 659

You deserved it 1 908

By herpmonster - 23/06/2012 16:59 - Italy

Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 207

You deserved it 1 972

By tylah - 23/06/2012 15:11 - United States - Piscataway

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 223

You deserved it 3 025

By Anonymous - 23/06/2012 13:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 784

You deserved it 7 808

By Coffee Boy - 23/06/2012 04:55 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 119

You deserved it 1 992

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 748

You deserved it 7 355

Today, while riding around the lake, a pair of kids thought it was okay to take turns yanking my horse's tail and running away so they didn't get kicked. When I told the parents not to let their kids do that, they said that I shouldn't be riding if I can't "control my beast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 989

You deserved it 264

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Halfway through dinner, I noticed my mascara was smudging, so I tried to discreetly wipe it off with my napkin. As I looked up, my date was staring at me with wide eyes. Apparently, I had smeared it all over my face and I looked like a raccoon. He didn’t even offer to help me fix it, just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 217

Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 294

Today, I was expecting lizards, spiders, and weird local insects in my hotel room. What I got was a cockroach on my toothbrush. A very tiny cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 57

Today, I checked my mom's email to track a package I'm waiting to receive. Instead, I found out my mom canceled the order, and that my parents are getting a divorce and have been fighting via email for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 192